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E... Eh?

[naturally, leon appearing from practically nowhere and making demands of him takes stahn a bit by surprise.

not because he isn't used to leon being that way, but they've barely spoken at all these last few days. his attempts to give leon space in addition to everything they were feeling after killing the robots led to that. so the last thing he's expecting right now is for leon to make demands.]

We are? [well, he does sit up a little straighter, but he's also giving leon a look. because... what? did they have plans? why is he being so bossy right now?]

Where are we going?

Out.

[Yes, that...that explains a lot. But Leon's just standing before the couch (which is closer than he's stood to Stahn in quite some time now), arms crossed, foot tapping.

Let's go.]

We have spent too much time cooped up in here, doing nothing. I am tired of this atmosphere.

Oh... yeah, okay.

[stahn notices that, but he also notices the impatience. so stahn agrees without much of a fight, though he also doesn't look particularly excited about it like he normally would be.

clearly, this has affected them a lot more than either of them cares to admit. but stahn will still pull himself to his feet, still keeping a bit of distance and giving leon a curious look.]

...Are you feeling better now? [about his.. touch urges, at least. that's the implication here.]

I'm fine.

[Instant, immediate, but...also sincere enough. He's fine, and he's feeling more like himself, which is why Leon can ever come this close without bristling at all.]

So there is no need to dawdle.

[Or keep that unnecessary distance.]

That's good... I'm glad you're feeling better, Leon.

[it's a statement he means sincerely, even if that melancholy still hangs in his voice. it's less to do with what leon is saying and more what stahn has been feeling, but he's not thinking much about it himself.

instead, stahn is pulling himself to his feet.]

Is there somewhere you wanted to go? [he shifts the topic back to what leon initially propositioned him for—there's no reason to dwell on that other topic; he knows leon doesn't want to talk about that, anyway.]

[He's glad he's "feeling better" (or, rather, more like himself) too, but he's definitely not going to bring that up. Instead, he glances at Stahn, before looking away, making a quiet huffing noise under his breath without much in the way of vitriol.]

Not as such, no.

[You're being propositioned for a walk, Stahn.

Just a walk.

It's literally so aimless and anti-Leon, and yet here he is, offering up the suggestion while shifting uncomfortably, arms crossed defensively and not meeting Stahn's eyes.]

Okay.

[it's definitely weird, but... stahn isn't going to say no. and he's not going to call out how weird it is because...

well, leon is trying, isn't he? after everything that happened and how hard things have been for them, he's still taking the first step to try and fix things. he may not know what to do (and it shows), but it speaks volumes to stahn in every way imaginable.

there's a small smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth, because this is it. this is one of those times when stahn feels so justified in why he always staunchly believed in leon. this is why he's always called leon his best friend, and why even when the king of seinegald had labeled him a traitor, stahn still knew that leon was a good person who acted with purpose.

he isn't sure what will happen, or if this will somehow fix things... but it's a start, so stahn can't refuse it.]

That's fine. Wherever you go... I'll follow, then. [which really just means he'll let leon lead the walk, despite whatever meaning it may sound like otherwise.]

[That sounds like the most dramatic declaration in the world, Stahn... Leon just quirks an eyebrow at that, though he'll immediately turn on his heel to start walking then. It's... just a walk!! Who knows if this will fix anything.

But...at least it's a start, right? And it will get them out of this stifling atmosphere, which is important too.

Leon doesn't break the silence until they've hit the Cerealian sidewalks, and then, finally, he offers up a quiet--]

The amount of destruction caused by these robots is impressive. I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky that yours were not prone to destructive tendencies.

[Since...Stahn isn't either.

This is the worst small talk but he's trying.]

[it's really not veery good small talk at all, but once again... stahn can recognize that leon is trying here. even with the quiet awkwardness that still hangs in the air until that silence is broken, it counts for something.

he knows it counts for something, so stahn himself has to try. he can't leave this all in leon's hands, especially when it's his own fault things had gotten so unbearably bad in every way. he's blaming himself plenty for the robots, but it's just as much that he could help with leon's problems that he feels terrible about things.]

Yeah. Though.. I think they were still destructive. It was just in a different way, wasn't it? [wanting to take leon's life, talk of going after his other friends—that still counts as being destructive, he thinks.]

[Well.

He can't argue that, seeing as how he was the subject of some of said destructive tendencies. Still, he doesn't see it being that big of a deal all around (even if, again, he knows better than to say so), and so he just makes a noncommittal, acknowledging noise at that.

Even so.]

Regardless. There were others that were certainly even more troublesome.

[So... IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE?]

Mm... I guess you're right.

[not that it makes things feel any better. they still went way too far, it still caused a lot of people pain, and to be frank—it's not really easy for him to forget the feeling of plunging dymlos through either of them.

even if they were just robots, it didn't feel good. it was still impactful and it still hurt him a lot to have to do.

it leaves him unsure of what to really say or do, not when he's truly still so uncomfortable with how everything happened.]

[... Yeah, this topic isn't working, even Leon can tell that much. Whoops...

He's quiet for a moment, before he tries again, expression frustrated--but it's less because of Stahn and more because of his own inability to do something as basic as create satisfactory small talk.]

...Regardless, that is over and done with. The others seem to be fine as well.

[.........................a heavy beat.]

... Not that I bothered to check on them, but they are loud, so it is impossible to not be aware...!

[this is what happens when things go terribly wrong; when stahn can't get out of his own head long enough to be the sunshine they both need to try and get through a tough time, it makes the whole situation awkward.

he's been holding a lot in for leon's sake as much as his own. when the silence falls in the air, stahn sucks in a breath—he knows he should do better, he knows he should change the subject and set the conversation right. leon is trying, but he's not good at this sort of thing, and stahn knows it. it's unfair to him, isn't it? it's unfair to expect leon to carry the conversation when he's already done so much already to try and right what a messy situation they've gotten themselves into.

but before stahn can actually open his mouth to say anything, leon's begun to speak again and... so very quickly, he's fumbling.

—it's not really a bad thing, even if the brief laughter that comes is a bit at leon's expense. it does seem to brighten stahn up a bit, even if it's just because he knows leon cares about a lot of people a lot more than he admits.] It sounds like you've made a lot of friends, Leon.

[whether leon checked on them, or they checked on leon, it's a good thing.]

[It's definitely been pretty awkward. When Stahn and Leon are both at the top of their game (something that hasn't happened since they arrived here, what with Leon being dead putting a damper on everything), their conversation comes surprisingly easily and calmly. They can discuss things like their plans, swordwork--so many things, without resorting to bickering or butting heads.

For a period of time, things had been like that.

They're not anymore, Leon knows that much. But... that's not something so easily fixed. All he can do is keep trying.

He looks even more flustered and angry in equal parts at the laughter, but he simmers down a little when Stahn speaks--only to look flustered all over again.]

That is-- do not be ridiculous! I have done nothing of the sort! The people here are troublesome and a waste of my time!

[Uh huh.....]

Even if you think that... it still sounds like a lot of people care about you.

[stahn had been the one to do most of the checking in with his friends—and some of them he still hadn't even had a chance to speak to yet. but from the sound of it, leon spoke to enough people, whether of his own volition or not.

somehow that, of all things, seems to brighten stahn up just a little bit. it's genuinely relieving to see some kind of expression of care, that people in cerealia have gotten close enough to leon (even if it's not close enough for leon to see friendship in them) that they genuinely care about his well-being, or express their own state of being to keep leon from being concerned.

it's good.

it's really good, and it's one of the things stahn wants most for him.]

I think it's a good thing. [yeah, he's just ignoring that leon is saying that they're troublesome or wastes of time. he knows leon doesn't think that way of everyone in cerealia, after all.]

[A lot of people care about him.

Stahn says that and Leon instantly rebels against the thought. People caring about him here is not something he wants. He doesn't want people to care or get attached--not when he's dead, not when he never asked for that, not when he doesn't know how to handle it.

He frowns tightly.]

...Shut up. [But it's...not really said with a great deal of force.] I'm not interested in that, so do not make up something that is not happening. I am not making friends.

[Leon, Stahn didn't say anything about friendship that time.]

Even if you're not interested... you can't stop other people from caring, Leon.

[he's still not acknowledging the friendship line. to stahn, they go hand-in-hand, and he's sure that people like kashuu undoubtedly see leon as a friend in just the same way he does.

(okay, maybe not just the same, but still very similarly.)

still, he can't ignore what leon is saying, so he gives his own stance. his tone is quiet and gentle, more explanatory than anything meant to be scolding or condescending in any way.]

The people here are really kind, and most people just want to help each other. It's not easy for anyone here. Not for us... not for them, either. [everyone is struggling just the same.]

I think some people would be upset to hear you say that, though. You can say it to me if you want, but... people like Otome, I think it would hurt them. [by being so staunchly against the notion of people caring for him to the point that he'd make the accusation of it being made up—it's a little too much, even to stahn.]

[This is really not what he wanted when he was trying to make small talk happen. Stahn keeps talking and Leon tenses as he goes, because Stahn's right. There are a lot of people who are kind here--too much so, really. There are a lot of people who act as though they want to be his friend, or be a part of his life.

He doesn't like it.

Leon grimaces in response to that, looking away sharply. Otome would probably be hurt by it, yes. Maybe Kashuu, maybe Rise. He doesn't know. But he knows that he's not ready to acknowledge that fact even so. That people might care about him-- no.]

Very well then. [If they're hurt by it--then fine.] Even if it is as you say...that would only be for the better.

[If they don't like him anymore, if they're hurt by him, it'll be for the better.

(right?)]

You don't really think it's a good thing to just hurt people like that, do you?

[it's hard for stahn to believe that. he knows that leon keeps people at arm's length, and he understands why. but he can't fathom the idea of thinking it's good, okay, or better somehow to intentionally cause hurt to them.]

I believe that anyone capable of being harmed by that should not be around me in the first place.

[That's snapped out immediately, and it's really the root of the problem. He keeps people at arm's length for so many reasons, but lately there's been another added to it--that people who stay by him get hurt. It's a recurring thing that he doesn't like, so if they're that soft...

They should stay away from him if they don't want to be hurt.]

[that's not the sort of answer that stahn really wants to hear from leon.]

...That's not true at all. [stahn says that firmly, shaking his head. it's not a mentality stahn can stand behind in the least.]

You can't say people shouldn't be around you just because they care enough to be worried, or would be hurt by you being willing to hurt them.

I just did.

[So there!! He can too say it!!

But he's looking rather displeased by Stahn's insistence on this--probably unsurprisingly. He frowns tensely in response, giving Stahn the flattest possible look.]

Is that not reasonable? If they would be hurt by my actions, personality or beliefs, they should befriend someone else. It is quite clear that there are plenty of overly friendly, idiotically cheerful people here for them to inflict their company upon. They should simply leave me alone.

Do you really have to go out of your way to be hurtful, though? Even if there are a lot of nice people around who are willing to be friendly... those people care about you.

["i care about you," remains unspoken, because it's a given. but when leon gets this staunchly aggressive in his word choice and makes it seem like the right thing to do is to somehow avoid him...

well, stahn can't abide by that. so maybe as they progress, he's projecting a little more of his own feeling onto this than intended. but stahn can't help it, not when it can be so downright frustrating to watch leon push his friends away just as he did back then. hadn't he learned anything from their experiences? didn't he want to grow at all?]

Trying to hurt people to keep them away... it doesn't work, Leon. You can't choose who cares about you.

[Yes, of course he does. Of course he has to go out of his way to be hurtful. Why would he want to be anything but hurtful? He doesn't want people hanging around him, so of course he'll try to push them away. The people who don't learn, who refuse to be pushed away... he doesn't understand them.

Why would they keep bothering?

He doesn't get it.]

They shouldn't. [They shouldn't care.] It is not my fault if they decide for some nonsensical reason to attach themselves to me! I have not changed my behavior [...Right? (No, he's changed, he just doesn't realize that he's gotten softer)] so if they insist on clinging even so, they should be well-aware of what they will receive in return from me.

[It's not fair, he thinks, that he's expected to be different just because people want to like him.]

It doesn't matter if you think they shouldn't. They still do, and you don't get to decide that for them.

[this is aggravating. stahn tends to be fairly tolerant of leon's attitude, but the fact of the matter is that he's still going out of his way to be hurtful to others. doing so intentionally just to keep people at arm's length isn't something stahn will sit by and tolerate.

he's not saying leon needs to be close to those people, but stahn himself... he's tired of being pushed away. even when he does his best to respect leon's boundaries, it still feels like leon refuses to give him even an inch, and it's a serious regression from how things used to be.]

You weren't like this before. Back then... even when you were harsh, you had a good reason for it. You didn't say things you know would hurt people just so they would leave you alone.

[if nobody else is going to call leon on his shit, then stahn will do it himself. even if he hates doing it like this, and even if it's hurting him.

it's the worst for stahn too, because he wants to help leon more than anyone else in cerealia ever possibly could. but with the way things have been, they can't even carry on a conversation the way they used to.] Even us... even we don't get along the same. Nothing should have changed—You're still you, and I'm still me, so...

[why is it always so hard? why does everything end up being a fight now? he's not sure if he's sad or angry about this topic shift, honestly.]

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