[there is an immediate, vehement refusal that comes with that suggestion. regardless of how seriously leon may or may no mean that.. nope.
absolutely not. even if his hair is a disaster, he's not cutting it off. at the very least, stahn's keeping his head steady (and being grateful that leon doesn't have scissors right now).]
Naturally, Stahn is going to refuse that immediately. Still, Leon's going to take a second to consider how satisfying it would be to chop off Stahn's hair for a moment (it's really a good thing he doesn't have scissors right now) as he focuses on detangling.
Argh.]
I fail to see why you are so attached to this unruly mess of hair as it is.
[But such is Stahn.... and it's true that some people seem to think it's cool for some reason (not Leon though nothing about Stahn is cool!!! Leon knows).]
I didn't ask for your opinion about my hair. This is how I like it, that's all.
[it's not even about being cool or fashionable, or whatever. this is just how he likes it. he's attached to it being this way... nobody asked you, leon!!
(but help him anyway, because he needs so much help right now.)]
[That's the great thing about Leon!! He's entitled enough to think you should listen to his opinion even when you didn't ask for it!! Isn't he a good friend.
(No. Shut up, Leon.)
He's making progress, he feels, but it's...definitely slow going with how tangled this comb is.]
... Well, I suppose you can't be blamed for the swamp, if nothing else.
[It's not like either of them had the time to prepare for that]
Ughh... it was the worst. I didn't like that game at all..
[he did not have a good time. bad things happened and he got covered in slimy swamp goo. he didn't mind helping people, but he did get turned to stone, had to use a panacea bottle on someone, and just generally didn't enjoy how things went.
and that's really obvious right now. he had a bad time.]
[Yeah, he can tell. He's quiet for a moment as he continues to work at that tangled hair, frowning to himself. Things don't usually get Stahn down like this, but... man, he must have had a shitty time.]
Is that so... and what did you experience in it?
[Leon didn't exactly have fun either, but...he seems to have gotten off a little more lightly than Stahn.]
A couple of huuuge monsters tried to get me. One of them almost ate me! I would have been monster chow if I didn't have Dymlos with me. I helped someone who got hit with Paralyze... that part wasn't so bad.
[but remembering the worst part:]
Then I got stuck in a room with someone and when I tried to help get her out... I got turned to stone. [again. like the last time, remember that, leon?] It got the room unstuck but... I still feel...
[sluggish? tired? something. that sensation is never good, he was so disoriented when it wore off.]
[The monsters don't bother him, really. Obviously at this point Stahn can handle monsters--they all can. Helping someone, that's incredibly Stahn-like too.
It's not until he brings up that he got turned to stone that Leon's fingers tighten in Stahn's hair, almost painfully so, maybe.]
You did what.
[His tone is low, but... yeah he's not!! happy about this!!]
Let me guess. You were more than willing to risk yourself without any thought to your own safety in order to help this random stranger, even knowing that it was merely a game and they would be fine either way.
[... ... ... why is he so angry about it? Leon pauses, and slowly reins in his temper, returning to a more gently approach towards getting this comb out of Stahn's hair.
I couldn't just... not help. I was stuck too, but...
[he sighs a little. he really doesn't get what this makes him an idiot.]
She was defenseless, I couldn't just let her risk things when she didn't know what was happening. It wasn't real anyway, right? [it's not like he feels good about having been petrified again. that feeling is honestly awful and kind of scary, even if he bore it with a smile while it happened.] I'm okay, Leon.
[stop doing that! his scalp hurts a lot already and the way leon is tugging isn't helping. why is he getting so mad about this? this is what he's always done...
is leon really that worried that something bad will happen to him?]
I told you... I won't let that happen. You can trust me, I'm... not going to let things get like that. I won't let Hugo win. I'll get back to everyone... I'll make sure everyone can live peacefully...
[but he swallows hard, and not just because his scalp is throbbing. leon's really worried. he has to be, right? does he really not believe in stahn's ability to stay focused, even though he knows how important this task is to him?
leon left that job in his hands, and he's not going to forget that, despite all the pain. their friends... they need him there, and stahn knows that. so he can't die here. he won't. and if he can find a way for leon too, he will. there's too much to be done for him to die so easily.]
[... Stahn says that. And Leon does trust Stahn--he trusts Stahn's words, at least. But... how can he trust that Stahn won't fling his life away to save someone? There's no guarantee that he won't get himself into trouble trying to help these people, and they won't even know them after they manage to make their way back to their own world. It seems so pointless--
But he knows better than to say that.
Instead, he just loosens his fingers on Stahn's hair again, frowning to himself; it's fine, since it's not as though Stahn can see his face right now anyway.]
... Be certain that you do.
["Please don't die."
But he's just going to fall silent at that; he can feel the strands start to give, and now he can start to edge the comb out of his ridiculous mullet.]
[when leon's grip loosens, it's almost immediate the way stahn brings his fingers to his scalp in an attempt to rub out the pain.
there's an inaudible sigh he lets out, one that's probably only noticeable by the rise and fall fo stahn's shoulders from that angle. maybe it's better they can't see each other's expressions, because now stahn is... unsure what he feels about that. he feels frustrated that leon would get so upset at stahn for doing something he's always done... but he's also sorry for causing leon that kind of worry, too. he knows what leon's words are really meant to mean; he's not capable of misunderstanding that.
and yet in some way, it's also nice to hear leon being concerned about him to that point. it feels... real. it's a reminder that leon, the very same leon he was hurting over and missing so badly back home is here, and carrying on with the same care as ever... in his own, leon magnus sort of way.]
I won't stop trying when people need it, but... I'll be careful. [he finally says, quietly. he's not sure if that's an apology, or a declaration, or an assurance. he's not sure if he's saying it for leon's sake, dymlos' sake, or his own at this point.
[It doesn't really help as much as Leon would like it to, but... he supposes it's a start. He doesn't know that Stahn will really be able to stop himself from doing something dangerous when the time comes, but...
Leon can't ask that of him, either. Because Stahn is that way, and if he wasn't constantly helping people, he wouldn't be Stahn anymore. It's what made Stahn into the person he is. It's... what made Stahn Leon's friend (best friend?).
He frees the comb, and for a moment he just blinks at it--but he feels like they aren't done with this conversation, and Stahn's hair is still a matted disaster, so instead he just starts working at the tangles with said comb, somewhat carefully.]
... Fine. See to it that you are. It isn't as though it matters to me what you do with yourself, so long as--
I won't, Leon. I promise... I'm not going to let you down. [not with that. not with anything at all. leon left a lot of responsibilities in his hands. he has so much to accomplish for the sake of leon's sacrifices, for avenging him, for saving the world and making sure that hugo's plans don't ever come to pass.
there's just too much, and the last thing stahn wants to do is die before he can accomplish those things. if there was an afterlife, there's no way he'd ever be able to face leon in it if he were to fail. he can't fail leon. he can't fail his friends. he can't fail his family, the swordians, or the whole world.
stahn falls quiet again, his head dipping a bit—probably not the most helpful thing when leon is trying to work on his hair (and doing more than stahn could have ever asked for, honestly. see... leon's a pal when it really counts. this is why stahn trusts him so much). but he can't help himself; this is one of those topics that causes stahn to get a little too caught up in his own head and think way too much...
[Probably unsurprisingly, as Stahn's head dips, Leon's response comes quickly and sharply. Seeing Stahn bow his head like this--it doesn't feel right. He doesn't like it, and he's frustrated by it. And so, as ever, he handles things he's frustrated by with a bit of a harsh edge.]
Keep your head up.
[... There's a pause, and then he coughs quietly, realizing that he was getting perhaps a bit too invested in something that--
Well. He doesn't want Stahn to think that he cares if he's drooping, or anything like that!! That would be...ridiculous...]
[there it is... leon looking out for him, in his own ways. isn't that what this is?
...maybe it's not, but it feels like it's a little more than it's about his hair.]
Ah, right. Sorry. [he sounds a bit sheepish, but stahn doesn't make it sound like he's too upset or downcast. just like this next words don't give any indication to their true intent.]
Thanks, Leon. [it can be taken as simply as just thanking him for helping with his disastrous hair situation. and while that's partially true.. there's an underlying intent of thanking him for not letting stahn hang his head. he gets caught up in his thoughts too easily these days, with so many bad things having happened. both at home and here and cerealia, there have just been too many things, and falling back into a questioning mindset, worrying so much about everything... he can't help himself.
but he knows he'll get scolded for saying that, so he just quietly lifts his head to gaze straight ahead before closing his eyes.]
[He falls silent as well when Stahn does, working at the tangled strands of hair instead. Thankfully the swamp muck is all gone--it's just a matter of untangling the strands. And it gives him something to focus on as the silence drags on.
It's not like Stahn, of course. But Leon's realizing that a lot of things that "aren't like Stahn" are really just a matter of Stahn having had to change, after going through so much. Stahn... was still Stahn. But he's quieter sometimes now, more solemn, a little more downtrodden, and it doesn't feel right at all.
The comb gets caught on a knot, and Leon narrows his eyes, though he holds onto the hair so it doesn't tug too much.]
... It is growing more and more obvious that we are going to be here for some time. [Probably. There's always the chance that one of them will disappear, but Leon's choosing to not address that right now.] To that end... you won't be able to function if you are constantly focused on that. [If you are constantly shoving aside everything emotional... well, what sort of person would Stahn be if he did that constantly? Stahn isn't like Leon.
And not even Leon can do that all the time.]
Treat this much as you would have treated a long journey. Our goal has not changed, but our methodology musts if we are going to accomplish it.
[He doesn't really know how else to address the remaining, heavy feeling between them, really; all he knows is that... this can't be right either. If they are trying to return to some sort of normalcy--this isn't it.]
[in some ways, it's really strange to hear leon offering words of encouragement, because it was something he'd hardly ever heard in the past—not like this, at least. but much like stahn has changed... leon has too, right?
though while many of stahn's changes came as a result of the things that happened in the wake of leon's death, stahn suspects that leon had changed not so much because of his death but... maybe because of their journey together. maybe it's both, and stahn can't question it too deeply, but... this is different. it's different to hear these words coming from leon, and all the while as he's treating stahn so gently while working on his hair.
it's not a bad thing.
isn't this... what he always believed leon was capable of? isn't this why he'd always believed in leon right to the bitter end.]
I know. No matter what happens, I'm not giving up on anything. Getting back home, finishing everything with hugo, settling down and living happily when I can make a family and... ["and find a way for you to be able to live somewhere too" are the words he stops himself from saying; even with stahn's unfiltered nature, he's not ready to say something like that aloud. not when he knows that it'll just raise tensions they're trying to avoid.
so he clamps his mouth shut for a moment before sucking in a deep breath.] I won't lose sight of those things. We're going to figure it all out... I know that.
[he's trying here. he's trying to get out of his own head, and that's why he adds:]
I know my head's not good sometimes either, so... thanks. For reminding me, when that happens... what I can't let myself forget. [his head's not good. sometimes it's just because he's not smart, and because he can't always grasp the complex things, especially when they start getting a little too existential. but other times, his head isn't good just from the loss and the trauma that he's constantly forced to swallow and carry on with.
he wants the normalcy too, of course. he's just having a hard time getting there when the conversations turn this way.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ONE DAY maybe possibly
[there is an immediate, vehement refusal that comes with that suggestion. regardless of how seriously leon may or may no mean that.. nope.
absolutely not. even if his hair is a disaster, he's not cutting it off. at the very least, stahn's keeping his head steady (and being grateful that leon doesn't have scissors right now).]
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Naturally, Stahn is going to refuse that immediately. Still, Leon's going to take a second to consider how satisfying it would be to chop off Stahn's hair for a moment (it's really a good thing he doesn't have scissors right now) as he focuses on detangling.
Argh.]
I fail to see why you are so attached to this unruly mess of hair as it is.
[But such is Stahn.... and it's true that some people seem to think it's cool for some reason (not Leon though nothing about Stahn is cool!!! Leon knows).]
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[it's not even about being cool or fashionable, or whatever. this is just how he likes it. he's attached to it being this way... nobody asked you, leon!!
(but help him anyway, because he needs so much help right now.)]
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(No. Shut up, Leon.)
He's making progress, he feels, but it's...definitely slow going with how tangled this comb is.]
... Well, I suppose you can't be blamed for the swamp, if nothing else.
[It's not like either of them had the time to prepare for that]
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[he did not have a good time. bad things happened and he got covered in slimy swamp goo. he didn't mind helping people, but he did get turned to stone, had to use a panacea bottle on someone, and just generally didn't enjoy how things went.
and that's really obvious right now. he had a bad time.]
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Is that so... and what did you experience in it?
[Leon didn't exactly have fun either, but...he seems to have gotten off a little more lightly than Stahn.]
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A couple of huuuge monsters tried to get me. One of them almost ate me! I would have been monster chow if I didn't have Dymlos with me. I helped someone who got hit with Paralyze... that part wasn't so bad.
[but remembering the worst part:]
Then I got stuck in a room with someone and when I tried to help get her out... I got turned to stone. [again. like the last time, remember that, leon?] It got the room unstuck but... I still feel...
[sluggish? tired? something. that sensation is never good, he was so disoriented when it wore off.]
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It's not until he brings up that he got turned to stone that Leon's fingers tighten in Stahn's hair, almost painfully so, maybe.]
You did what.
[His tone is low, but... yeah he's not!! happy about this!!]
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Owowowowowow!! Leon! [why is he so mad?]
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[Yeah, he's mad!!]
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....I'm okay now, isn't that all that matters? [he didn't think leon would get so mad about it.]
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[... ... ... why is he so angry about it? Leon pauses, and slowly reins in his temper, returning to a more gently approach towards getting this comb out of Stahn's hair.
...]
You are still such an idiot.
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[he sighs a little. he really doesn't get what this makes him an idiot.]
She was defenseless, I couldn't just let her risk things when she didn't know what was happening. It wasn't real anyway, right? [it's not like he feels good about having been petrified again. that feeling is honestly awful and kind of scary, even if he bore it with a smile while it happened.] I'm okay, Leon.
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One day, you won't be, if you keep this attitude up.
[And that scares Leon more than anything else, even if he's not ready to admit that.]
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[leon, you know the motto, don't you?]
I won't let anything happen. [you know, except he already did.]
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There are a few more somewhat sharp tugs on Stahn's hair as he works at the comb.]
If something happens to you here, what then? Who will return to stop Hugo? Who will be there to handle everything that you left behind?
[That Leon left behind too, but in a more permanent way; he's not going to be able to go back and fix things.]
You can't die. You have to survive to return.
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[stop doing that! his scalp hurts a lot already and the way leon is tugging isn't helping. why is he getting so mad about this? this is what he's always done...
is leon really that worried that something bad will happen to him?]
I told you... I won't let that happen. You can trust me, I'm... not going to let things get like that. I won't let Hugo win. I'll get back to everyone... I'll make sure everyone can live peacefully...
[but he swallows hard, and not just because his scalp is throbbing. leon's really worried. he has to be, right? does he really not believe in stahn's ability to stay focused, even though he knows how important this task is to him?
leon left that job in his hands, and he's not going to forget that, despite all the pain. their friends... they need him there, and stahn knows that. so he can't die here. he won't. and if he can find a way for leon too, he will. there's too much to be done for him to die so easily.]
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But he knows better than to say that.
Instead, he just loosens his fingers on Stahn's hair again, frowning to himself; it's fine, since it's not as though Stahn can see his face right now anyway.]
... Be certain that you do.
["Please don't die."
But he's just going to fall silent at that; he can feel the strands start to give, and now he can start to edge the comb out of his ridiculous mullet.]
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there's an inaudible sigh he lets out, one that's probably only noticeable by the rise and fall fo stahn's shoulders from that angle. maybe it's better they can't see each other's expressions, because now stahn is... unsure what he feels about that. he feels frustrated that leon would get so upset at stahn for doing something he's always done... but he's also sorry for causing leon that kind of worry, too. he knows what leon's words are really meant to mean; he's not capable of misunderstanding that.
and yet in some way, it's also nice to hear leon being concerned about him to that point. it feels... real. it's a reminder that leon, the very same leon he was hurting over and missing so badly back home is here, and carrying on with the same care as ever... in his own, leon magnus sort of way.]
I won't stop trying when people need it, but... I'll be careful. [he finally says, quietly. he's not sure if that's an apology, or a declaration, or an assurance. he's not sure if he's saying it for leon's sake, dymlos' sake, or his own at this point.
but it's the right thing to say, isn't it?]
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Leon can't ask that of him, either. Because Stahn is that way, and if he wasn't constantly helping people, he wouldn't be Stahn anymore. It's what made Stahn into the person he is. It's... what made Stahn Leon's friend (best friend?).
He frees the comb, and for a moment he just blinks at it--but he feels like they aren't done with this conversation, and Stahn's hair is still a matted disaster, so instead he just starts working at the tangles with said comb, somewhat carefully.]
... Fine. See to it that you are. It isn't as though it matters to me what you do with yourself, so long as--
["you don't die"]
--it doesn't cause trouble later.
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I won't, Leon. I promise... I'm not going to let you down. [not with that. not with anything at all. leon left a lot of responsibilities in his hands. he has so much to accomplish for the sake of leon's sacrifices, for avenging him, for saving the world and making sure that hugo's plans don't ever come to pass.
there's just too much, and the last thing stahn wants to do is die before he can accomplish those things. if there was an afterlife, there's no way he'd ever be able to face leon in it if he were to fail. he can't fail leon. he can't fail his friends. he can't fail his family, the swordians, or the whole world.
stahn falls quiet again, his head dipping a bit—probably not the most helpful thing when leon is trying to work on his hair (and doing more than stahn could have ever asked for, honestly. see... leon's a pal when it really counts. this is why stahn trusts him so much). but he can't help himself; this is one of those topics that causes stahn to get a little too caught up in his own head and think way too much...
and that hardly ever works out well for anyone.]
I'm not going to make trouble for you, Leon.
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Keep your head up.
[... There's a pause, and then he coughs quietly, realizing that he was getting perhaps a bit too invested in something that--
Well. He doesn't want Stahn to think that he cares if he's drooping, or anything like that!! That would be...ridiculous...]
... I am not finished yet.
[With combing, that is.]
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...maybe it's not, but it feels like it's a little more than it's about his hair.]
Ah, right. Sorry. [he sounds a bit sheepish, but stahn doesn't make it sound like he's too upset or downcast. just like this next words don't give any indication to their true intent.]
Thanks, Leon. [it can be taken as simply as just thanking him for helping with his disastrous hair situation. and while that's partially true.. there's an underlying intent of thanking him for not letting stahn hang his head. he gets caught up in his thoughts too easily these days, with so many bad things having happened. both at home and here and cerealia, there have just been too many things, and falling back into a questioning mindset, worrying so much about everything... he can't help himself.
but he knows he'll get scolded for saying that, so he just quietly lifts his head to gaze straight ahead before closing his eyes.]
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It's not like Stahn, of course. But Leon's realizing that a lot of things that "aren't like Stahn" are really just a matter of Stahn having had to change, after going through so much. Stahn... was still Stahn. But he's quieter sometimes now, more solemn, a little more downtrodden, and it doesn't feel right at all.
The comb gets caught on a knot, and Leon narrows his eyes, though he holds onto the hair so it doesn't tug too much.]
... It is growing more and more obvious that we are going to be here for some time. [Probably. There's always the chance that one of them will disappear, but Leon's choosing to not address that right now.] To that end... you won't be able to function if you are constantly focused on that. [If you are constantly shoving aside everything emotional... well, what sort of person would Stahn be if he did that constantly? Stahn isn't like Leon.
And not even Leon can do that all the time.]
Treat this much as you would have treated a long journey. Our goal has not changed, but our methodology musts if we are going to accomplish it.
[He doesn't really know how else to address the remaining, heavy feeling between them, really; all he knows is that... this can't be right either. If they are trying to return to some sort of normalcy--this isn't it.]
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though while many of stahn's changes came as a result of the things that happened in the wake of leon's death, stahn suspects that leon had changed not so much because of his death but... maybe because of their journey together. maybe it's both, and stahn can't question it too deeply, but... this is different. it's different to hear these words coming from leon, and all the while as he's treating stahn so gently while working on his hair.
it's not a bad thing.
isn't this... what he always believed leon was capable of? isn't this why he'd always believed in leon right to the bitter end.]
I know. No matter what happens, I'm not giving up on anything. Getting back home, finishing everything with hugo, settling down and living happily when I can make a family and... ["and find a way for you to be able to live somewhere too" are the words he stops himself from saying; even with stahn's unfiltered nature, he's not ready to say something like that aloud. not when he knows that it'll just raise tensions they're trying to avoid.
so he clamps his mouth shut for a moment before sucking in a deep breath.] I won't lose sight of those things. We're going to figure it all out... I know that.
[he's trying here. he's trying to get out of his own head, and that's why he adds:]
I know my head's not good sometimes either, so... thanks. For reminding me, when that happens... what I can't let myself forget. [his head's not good. sometimes it's just because he's not smart, and because he can't always grasp the complex things, especially when they start getting a little too existential. but other times, his head isn't good just from the loss and the trauma that he's constantly forced to swallow and carry on with.
he wants the normalcy too, of course. he's just having a hard time getting there when the conversations turn this way.]
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