[it makes him feel strangely warm to hear that coming from leon. leon, who has always been strict with him. leon, who has always pushed their agenda and got mad when they started to lose focus. leon, who not long ago would have engaged in a blow-out argument for even suggesting something like that.
there's something good about it, he knows. somewhere along the way, leon has come to understand a bit about how stahn is, how he thinks and what he needs to in order to carry on. making connections with others, trying to help the people around him, and seeking reasons to smile when everything seems to damning is stahn's way. and leon isn't trying to push him into some other mold. so maybe that's why there's that warmth that spreads in his chest a little, that makes him feel like this is nothing less than the exact reason why he's been so keep to keep his faith in leon and call him "best friend" despite everything.
but despite that, there's something about it that feels so empty. he's accepting this from leon, but that's all it is, right? it's an offer. leon isn't doing the same for himself, and the truth of the matter is that for all the people he's come to care about in cerealia, leon is still the most important person here to him. leon is still someone he wants to see get to enjoy the new lease on life. leon is the one who needs to fill his time with things he enjoys, too.
in the end, stahn can't be selfish about it. even when he's at his darkest moments and his more selfish tendencies rise to the surface... leon's well-being is too important to him.]
I... hope you'll do the same. There are lot of things to enjoy, and a lot of good people... so you should fill your time with things you like too.
...Not just trying to find a way to get me back home. [do something for yourself, leon. please. live a little bit.]
[It's silly, really. He should've expected that. That's just incredibly Stahn, and Leon doesn't know why he could have ever thought there would be any other response.
But... it's not what he wants, either. He doesn't want Stahn looking out for him in this, because he still doesn't see this as a good thing. Maybe he's slowly starting to see it less as the worst possible thing ever, but... it's still not a good thing for him. It's not a second chance at life.
It's a chance to make sure that Stahn gets back, but that's mostly all.]
If I don't, who will?
[If Stahn's going to be focusing on other things (as he should be), then Leon will focus on this. It's not a problem; it's hardly unusual for him. If anything, asking him to try to enjoy himself, and meet people, and do things like that... it's contrary to his life thus far, and to his nature.]
Naturally, I intend to focus on our goals. I am more skilled at this anyway. It was only inevitable.
[It's not so different from how they handled things when traveling to take care of Greybaum, right? Leon doesn't see why it's a big deal now.]
You can still enjoy other things while focusing on our goals, Leon.
[he says the words quietly, but they're still firm. stahn doesn't really want to give in on this much—if leon is going to live while he's alive, he has to do more than work. he has to take time to appreciate the other things life has to offer, because... it would be a waste if he didn't.
stahn isn't afraid to say as much, either, though he doesn't initially. the truth is that he's afraid it will somehow devolve into a fight—something he really doesn't want to happen again. fighting... he's tired of fighting. he's tired of fighting with leon, of having petty arguments and disagreements that somehow feel as if they're moving the entire earth just to make a point.]
You shouldn't do nothing but work. [he says it even more quietly, and it's almost a bit pleading, too. he wants more for leon than that, and maybe that's exactly why being told to spend his time freely feels so empty.] We can work together for our goals.
[It would definitely devolve into a fight. As it is, things are getting just a tad bit tenser--because Leon doesn't want to hear any of this. He doesn't care if Stahn helps him and they work together to find a way to get Stahn back, but he doesn't intend to live for anything other than that while he's in Cerealia.
Anything else would just be... some petty attempt at life that he doesn't deserve, and he's not interested in it. He's at least not living the day to day here anymore acting as though there's no reason for him to be there--
But he can't shake the fact that the reason is so that he can help get Stahn back home.
... He just sighs softly, dragging the comb through again; it slides through without any protest, at which point he drops it to the table.]
There. I'm finished.
[With... both the brushing, and the conversation, because he stands then to go.]
[stahn is frowning as leon stands, because he knows exactly why he's being so short about things. maybe if the conversation hadn't gone the way it did, he'd stay in the room a bit longer.
but it's not going to be so easy to get leon to see things his way, is it? even though he wants little more than for him to embrace these chances and not throw away the opportunities he's being given... but leon has always been this way. a one-track mind and completely goal-oriented. stubborn to a fault, and why stahn's sure that eventually, this will change. he's sure that somehow, he can get leon to understand why he feels this way.
it doesn't make it less upsetting to know he's going to walk away from this conversation so abruptly though. even if he wants to fight it, all stahn does is lean forward to reach for the comb while running a hand through his hair and letting out a simple, quiet:] Thanks... Leon.
[he doesn't expect a response though. stahn knows he'll probably just bristle and walk away, and that's why stahn just remains on the sofa, quiet and downcast. he appreciates the help—he just hates how much leon tries to fight everything else that's so good.]
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[it makes him feel strangely warm to hear that coming from leon. leon, who has always been strict with him. leon, who has always pushed their agenda and got mad when they started to lose focus. leon, who not long ago would have engaged in a blow-out argument for even suggesting something like that.
there's something good about it, he knows. somewhere along the way, leon has come to understand a bit about how stahn is, how he thinks and what he needs to in order to carry on. making connections with others, trying to help the people around him, and seeking reasons to smile when everything seems to damning is stahn's way. and leon isn't trying to push him into some other mold. so maybe that's why there's that warmth that spreads in his chest a little, that makes him feel like this is nothing less than the exact reason why he's been so keep to keep his faith in leon and call him "best friend" despite everything.
but despite that, there's something about it that feels so empty. he's accepting this from leon, but that's all it is, right? it's an offer. leon isn't doing the same for himself, and the truth of the matter is that for all the people he's come to care about in cerealia, leon is still the most important person here to him. leon is still someone he wants to see get to enjoy the new lease on life. leon is the one who needs to fill his time with things he enjoys, too.
in the end, stahn can't be selfish about it. even when he's at his darkest moments and his more selfish tendencies rise to the surface... leon's well-being is too important to him.]
I... hope you'll do the same. There are lot of things to enjoy, and a lot of good people... so you should fill your time with things you like too.
...Not just trying to find a way to get me back home. [do something for yourself, leon. please. live a little bit.]
no subject
But... it's not what he wants, either. He doesn't want Stahn looking out for him in this, because he still doesn't see this as a good thing. Maybe he's slowly starting to see it less as the worst possible thing ever, but... it's still not a good thing for him. It's not a second chance at life.
It's a chance to make sure that Stahn gets back, but that's mostly all.]
If I don't, who will?
[If Stahn's going to be focusing on other things (as he should be), then Leon will focus on this. It's not a problem; it's hardly unusual for him. If anything, asking him to try to enjoy himself, and meet people, and do things like that... it's contrary to his life thus far, and to his nature.]
Naturally, I intend to focus on our goals. I am more skilled at this anyway. It was only inevitable.
[It's not so different from how they handled things when traveling to take care of Greybaum, right? Leon doesn't see why it's a big deal now.]
no subject
[he says the words quietly, but they're still firm. stahn doesn't really want to give in on this much—if leon is going to live while he's alive, he has to do more than work. he has to take time to appreciate the other things life has to offer, because... it would be a waste if he didn't.
stahn isn't afraid to say as much, either, though he doesn't initially. the truth is that he's afraid it will somehow devolve into a fight—something he really doesn't want to happen again. fighting... he's tired of fighting. he's tired of fighting with leon, of having petty arguments and disagreements that somehow feel as if they're moving the entire earth just to make a point.]
You shouldn't do nothing but work. [he says it even more quietly, and it's almost a bit pleading, too. he wants more for leon than that, and maybe that's exactly why being told to spend his time freely feels so empty.] We can work together for our goals.
no subject
Anything else would just be... some petty attempt at life that he doesn't deserve, and he's not interested in it. He's at least not living the day to day here anymore acting as though there's no reason for him to be there--
But he can't shake the fact that the reason is so that he can help get Stahn back home.
... He just sighs softly, dragging the comb through again; it slides through without any protest, at which point he drops it to the table.]
There. I'm finished.
[With... both the brushing, and the conversation, because he stands then to go.]
no subject
but it's not going to be so easy to get leon to see things his way, is it? even though he wants little more than for him to embrace these chances and not throw away the opportunities he's being given... but leon has always been this way. a one-track mind and completely goal-oriented. stubborn to a fault, and why stahn's sure that eventually, this will change. he's sure that somehow, he can get leon to understand why he feels this way.
it doesn't make it less upsetting to know he's going to walk away from this conversation so abruptly though. even if he wants to fight it, all stahn does is lean forward to reach for the comb while running a hand through his hair and letting out a simple, quiet:] Thanks... Leon.
[he doesn't expect a response though. stahn knows he'll probably just bristle and walk away, and that's why stahn just remains on the sofa, quiet and downcast. he appreciates the help—he just hates how much leon tries to fight everything else that's so good.]