[He falls silent as well when Stahn does, working at the tangled strands of hair instead. Thankfully the swamp muck is all gone--it's just a matter of untangling the strands. And it gives him something to focus on as the silence drags on.
It's not like Stahn, of course. But Leon's realizing that a lot of things that "aren't like Stahn" are really just a matter of Stahn having had to change, after going through so much. Stahn... was still Stahn. But he's quieter sometimes now, more solemn, a little more downtrodden, and it doesn't feel right at all.
The comb gets caught on a knot, and Leon narrows his eyes, though he holds onto the hair so it doesn't tug too much.]
... It is growing more and more obvious that we are going to be here for some time. [Probably. There's always the chance that one of them will disappear, but Leon's choosing to not address that right now.] To that end... you won't be able to function if you are constantly focused on that. [If you are constantly shoving aside everything emotional... well, what sort of person would Stahn be if he did that constantly? Stahn isn't like Leon.
And not even Leon can do that all the time.]
Treat this much as you would have treated a long journey. Our goal has not changed, but our methodology musts if we are going to accomplish it.
[He doesn't really know how else to address the remaining, heavy feeling between them, really; all he knows is that... this can't be right either. If they are trying to return to some sort of normalcy--this isn't it.]
[in some ways, it's really strange to hear leon offering words of encouragement, because it was something he'd hardly ever heard in the past—not like this, at least. but much like stahn has changed... leon has too, right?
though while many of stahn's changes came as a result of the things that happened in the wake of leon's death, stahn suspects that leon had changed not so much because of his death but... maybe because of their journey together. maybe it's both, and stahn can't question it too deeply, but... this is different. it's different to hear these words coming from leon, and all the while as he's treating stahn so gently while working on his hair.
it's not a bad thing.
isn't this... what he always believed leon was capable of? isn't this why he'd always believed in leon right to the bitter end.]
I know. No matter what happens, I'm not giving up on anything. Getting back home, finishing everything with hugo, settling down and living happily when I can make a family and... ["and find a way for you to be able to live somewhere too" are the words he stops himself from saying; even with stahn's unfiltered nature, he's not ready to say something like that aloud. not when he knows that it'll just raise tensions they're trying to avoid.
so he clamps his mouth shut for a moment before sucking in a deep breath.] I won't lose sight of those things. We're going to figure it all out... I know that.
[he's trying here. he's trying to get out of his own head, and that's why he adds:]
I know my head's not good sometimes either, so... thanks. For reminding me, when that happens... what I can't let myself forget. [his head's not good. sometimes it's just because he's not smart, and because he can't always grasp the complex things, especially when they start getting a little too existential. but other times, his head isn't good just from the loss and the trauma that he's constantly forced to swallow and carry on with.
he wants the normalcy too, of course. he's just having a hard time getting there when the conversations turn this way.]
[Leon doesn't hear the unspoken words this time, which is probably for the better; he thinks that Stahn's goals are perfectly Stahn, and suit him well. Stahn just wants to have a family. He wants to live a happy life. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? Once he takes care of Hugo, once he saves the world... if Stahn has those goals to hold onto, he'll probably be okay.
And when Stahn is back and ready to save the world, Leon can rest, because this entire experience has been harrowing in ways he never expected or wanted.
Either way, he drags the comb through Stahn's hair, now mostly untangled, though it snags lightly on a few tangles on the way down (and honestly, how he does he even deal with a mane like this?).]
... Don't let yourself forget.
[That's really all Leon can say to that. He doesn't need the thanks, but he's not going to deny it either. They only have each other to keep themselves on track, as well as Chaltier and Dymlos, of course, but.... if this is going to be a long term thing, it's going to be hard on Stahn. Leon is just more used to long term missions.
That's all there is to this.]
In the meantime, so long as you are not being entirely frivolous about it, you may as well fill your time how you want.
[Leon's not going to judge anymore. They're stuck here, after all. They can't... leave, yet. So if Stahn wants to go make friends and play around and do things like that, it's not like Leon has any right to say he shouldn't, really.]
[it makes him feel strangely warm to hear that coming from leon. leon, who has always been strict with him. leon, who has always pushed their agenda and got mad when they started to lose focus. leon, who not long ago would have engaged in a blow-out argument for even suggesting something like that.
there's something good about it, he knows. somewhere along the way, leon has come to understand a bit about how stahn is, how he thinks and what he needs to in order to carry on. making connections with others, trying to help the people around him, and seeking reasons to smile when everything seems to damning is stahn's way. and leon isn't trying to push him into some other mold. so maybe that's why there's that warmth that spreads in his chest a little, that makes him feel like this is nothing less than the exact reason why he's been so keep to keep his faith in leon and call him "best friend" despite everything.
but despite that, there's something about it that feels so empty. he's accepting this from leon, but that's all it is, right? it's an offer. leon isn't doing the same for himself, and the truth of the matter is that for all the people he's come to care about in cerealia, leon is still the most important person here to him. leon is still someone he wants to see get to enjoy the new lease on life. leon is the one who needs to fill his time with things he enjoys, too.
in the end, stahn can't be selfish about it. even when he's at his darkest moments and his more selfish tendencies rise to the surface... leon's well-being is too important to him.]
I... hope you'll do the same. There are lot of things to enjoy, and a lot of good people... so you should fill your time with things you like too.
...Not just trying to find a way to get me back home. [do something for yourself, leon. please. live a little bit.]
[It's silly, really. He should've expected that. That's just incredibly Stahn, and Leon doesn't know why he could have ever thought there would be any other response.
But... it's not what he wants, either. He doesn't want Stahn looking out for him in this, because he still doesn't see this as a good thing. Maybe he's slowly starting to see it less as the worst possible thing ever, but... it's still not a good thing for him. It's not a second chance at life.
It's a chance to make sure that Stahn gets back, but that's mostly all.]
If I don't, who will?
[If Stahn's going to be focusing on other things (as he should be), then Leon will focus on this. It's not a problem; it's hardly unusual for him. If anything, asking him to try to enjoy himself, and meet people, and do things like that... it's contrary to his life thus far, and to his nature.]
Naturally, I intend to focus on our goals. I am more skilled at this anyway. It was only inevitable.
[It's not so different from how they handled things when traveling to take care of Greybaum, right? Leon doesn't see why it's a big deal now.]
You can still enjoy other things while focusing on our goals, Leon.
[he says the words quietly, but they're still firm. stahn doesn't really want to give in on this much—if leon is going to live while he's alive, he has to do more than work. he has to take time to appreciate the other things life has to offer, because... it would be a waste if he didn't.
stahn isn't afraid to say as much, either, though he doesn't initially. the truth is that he's afraid it will somehow devolve into a fight—something he really doesn't want to happen again. fighting... he's tired of fighting. he's tired of fighting with leon, of having petty arguments and disagreements that somehow feel as if they're moving the entire earth just to make a point.]
You shouldn't do nothing but work. [he says it even more quietly, and it's almost a bit pleading, too. he wants more for leon than that, and maybe that's exactly why being told to spend his time freely feels so empty.] We can work together for our goals.
[It would definitely devolve into a fight. As it is, things are getting just a tad bit tenser--because Leon doesn't want to hear any of this. He doesn't care if Stahn helps him and they work together to find a way to get Stahn back, but he doesn't intend to live for anything other than that while he's in Cerealia.
Anything else would just be... some petty attempt at life that he doesn't deserve, and he's not interested in it. He's at least not living the day to day here anymore acting as though there's no reason for him to be there--
But he can't shake the fact that the reason is so that he can help get Stahn back home.
... He just sighs softly, dragging the comb through again; it slides through without any protest, at which point he drops it to the table.]
There. I'm finished.
[With... both the brushing, and the conversation, because he stands then to go.]
[stahn is frowning as leon stands, because he knows exactly why he's being so short about things. maybe if the conversation hadn't gone the way it did, he'd stay in the room a bit longer.
but it's not going to be so easy to get leon to see things his way, is it? even though he wants little more than for him to embrace these chances and not throw away the opportunities he's being given... but leon has always been this way. a one-track mind and completely goal-oriented. stubborn to a fault, and why stahn's sure that eventually, this will change. he's sure that somehow, he can get leon to understand why he feels this way.
it doesn't make it less upsetting to know he's going to walk away from this conversation so abruptly though. even if he wants to fight it, all stahn does is lean forward to reach for the comb while running a hand through his hair and letting out a simple, quiet:] Thanks... Leon.
[he doesn't expect a response though. stahn knows he'll probably just bristle and walk away, and that's why stahn just remains on the sofa, quiet and downcast. he appreciates the help—he just hates how much leon tries to fight everything else that's so good.]
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It's not like Stahn, of course. But Leon's realizing that a lot of things that "aren't like Stahn" are really just a matter of Stahn having had to change, after going through so much. Stahn... was still Stahn. But he's quieter sometimes now, more solemn, a little more downtrodden, and it doesn't feel right at all.
The comb gets caught on a knot, and Leon narrows his eyes, though he holds onto the hair so it doesn't tug too much.]
... It is growing more and more obvious that we are going to be here for some time. [Probably. There's always the chance that one of them will disappear, but Leon's choosing to not address that right now.] To that end... you won't be able to function if you are constantly focused on that. [If you are constantly shoving aside everything emotional... well, what sort of person would Stahn be if he did that constantly? Stahn isn't like Leon.
And not even Leon can do that all the time.]
Treat this much as you would have treated a long journey. Our goal has not changed, but our methodology musts if we are going to accomplish it.
[He doesn't really know how else to address the remaining, heavy feeling between them, really; all he knows is that... this can't be right either. If they are trying to return to some sort of normalcy--this isn't it.]
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though while many of stahn's changes came as a result of the things that happened in the wake of leon's death, stahn suspects that leon had changed not so much because of his death but... maybe because of their journey together. maybe it's both, and stahn can't question it too deeply, but... this is different. it's different to hear these words coming from leon, and all the while as he's treating stahn so gently while working on his hair.
it's not a bad thing.
isn't this... what he always believed leon was capable of? isn't this why he'd always believed in leon right to the bitter end.]
I know. No matter what happens, I'm not giving up on anything. Getting back home, finishing everything with hugo, settling down and living happily when I can make a family and... ["and find a way for you to be able to live somewhere too" are the words he stops himself from saying; even with stahn's unfiltered nature, he's not ready to say something like that aloud. not when he knows that it'll just raise tensions they're trying to avoid.
so he clamps his mouth shut for a moment before sucking in a deep breath.] I won't lose sight of those things. We're going to figure it all out... I know that.
[he's trying here. he's trying to get out of his own head, and that's why he adds:]
I know my head's not good sometimes either, so... thanks. For reminding me, when that happens... what I can't let myself forget. [his head's not good. sometimes it's just because he's not smart, and because he can't always grasp the complex things, especially when they start getting a little too existential. but other times, his head isn't good just from the loss and the trauma that he's constantly forced to swallow and carry on with.
he wants the normalcy too, of course. he's just having a hard time getting there when the conversations turn this way.]
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And when Stahn is back and ready to save the world, Leon can rest, because this entire experience has been harrowing in ways he never expected or wanted.
Either way, he drags the comb through Stahn's hair, now mostly untangled, though it snags lightly on a few tangles on the way down (and honestly, how he does he even deal with a mane like this?).]
... Don't let yourself forget.
[That's really all Leon can say to that. He doesn't need the thanks, but he's not going to deny it either. They only have each other to keep themselves on track, as well as Chaltier and Dymlos, of course, but.... if this is going to be a long term thing, it's going to be hard on Stahn. Leon is just more used to long term missions.
That's all there is to this.]
In the meantime, so long as you are not being entirely frivolous about it, you may as well fill your time how you want.
[Leon's not going to judge anymore. They're stuck here, after all. They can't... leave, yet. So if Stahn wants to go make friends and play around and do things like that, it's not like Leon has any right to say he shouldn't, really.]
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[it makes him feel strangely warm to hear that coming from leon. leon, who has always been strict with him. leon, who has always pushed their agenda and got mad when they started to lose focus. leon, who not long ago would have engaged in a blow-out argument for even suggesting something like that.
there's something good about it, he knows. somewhere along the way, leon has come to understand a bit about how stahn is, how he thinks and what he needs to in order to carry on. making connections with others, trying to help the people around him, and seeking reasons to smile when everything seems to damning is stahn's way. and leon isn't trying to push him into some other mold. so maybe that's why there's that warmth that spreads in his chest a little, that makes him feel like this is nothing less than the exact reason why he's been so keep to keep his faith in leon and call him "best friend" despite everything.
but despite that, there's something about it that feels so empty. he's accepting this from leon, but that's all it is, right? it's an offer. leon isn't doing the same for himself, and the truth of the matter is that for all the people he's come to care about in cerealia, leon is still the most important person here to him. leon is still someone he wants to see get to enjoy the new lease on life. leon is the one who needs to fill his time with things he enjoys, too.
in the end, stahn can't be selfish about it. even when he's at his darkest moments and his more selfish tendencies rise to the surface... leon's well-being is too important to him.]
I... hope you'll do the same. There are lot of things to enjoy, and a lot of good people... so you should fill your time with things you like too.
...Not just trying to find a way to get me back home. [do something for yourself, leon. please. live a little bit.]
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But... it's not what he wants, either. He doesn't want Stahn looking out for him in this, because he still doesn't see this as a good thing. Maybe he's slowly starting to see it less as the worst possible thing ever, but... it's still not a good thing for him. It's not a second chance at life.
It's a chance to make sure that Stahn gets back, but that's mostly all.]
If I don't, who will?
[If Stahn's going to be focusing on other things (as he should be), then Leon will focus on this. It's not a problem; it's hardly unusual for him. If anything, asking him to try to enjoy himself, and meet people, and do things like that... it's contrary to his life thus far, and to his nature.]
Naturally, I intend to focus on our goals. I am more skilled at this anyway. It was only inevitable.
[It's not so different from how they handled things when traveling to take care of Greybaum, right? Leon doesn't see why it's a big deal now.]
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[he says the words quietly, but they're still firm. stahn doesn't really want to give in on this much—if leon is going to live while he's alive, he has to do more than work. he has to take time to appreciate the other things life has to offer, because... it would be a waste if he didn't.
stahn isn't afraid to say as much, either, though he doesn't initially. the truth is that he's afraid it will somehow devolve into a fight—something he really doesn't want to happen again. fighting... he's tired of fighting. he's tired of fighting with leon, of having petty arguments and disagreements that somehow feel as if they're moving the entire earth just to make a point.]
You shouldn't do nothing but work. [he says it even more quietly, and it's almost a bit pleading, too. he wants more for leon than that, and maybe that's exactly why being told to spend his time freely feels so empty.] We can work together for our goals.
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Anything else would just be... some petty attempt at life that he doesn't deserve, and he's not interested in it. He's at least not living the day to day here anymore acting as though there's no reason for him to be there--
But he can't shake the fact that the reason is so that he can help get Stahn back home.
... He just sighs softly, dragging the comb through again; it slides through without any protest, at which point he drops it to the table.]
There. I'm finished.
[With... both the brushing, and the conversation, because he stands then to go.]
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but it's not going to be so easy to get leon to see things his way, is it? even though he wants little more than for him to embrace these chances and not throw away the opportunities he's being given... but leon has always been this way. a one-track mind and completely goal-oriented. stubborn to a fault, and why stahn's sure that eventually, this will change. he's sure that somehow, he can get leon to understand why he feels this way.
it doesn't make it less upsetting to know he's going to walk away from this conversation so abruptly though. even if he wants to fight it, all stahn does is lean forward to reach for the comb while running a hand through his hair and letting out a simple, quiet:] Thanks... Leon.
[he doesn't expect a response though. stahn knows he'll probably just bristle and walk away, and that's why stahn just remains on the sofa, quiet and downcast. he appreciates the help—he just hates how much leon tries to fight everything else that's so good.]