There's only one response that he could really get to that:]
Why does it matter to you?
[Because Leon probably didn't even know Yona - not from what Lili could tell from when they last spoke. It's not as though Lili doubts Leon's kindness, but she also doesn't quite understand even still that people will be concerned about the things that she's concerned with.
[That's...a good question. Why does it matter to him? Why is it naturally something he's concerning himself with? It's because... it's Lili, and because he's projecting a little still, yes, but he'd always wanted someone to be there for him when he needed it, when everything had gone to hell, and thinking about Stahn disappearing on him leaves him entirely unnerved.
A beat.
The text takes a bit to come through.]
It is not as though it is for any ulterior motives, so discard the thought immediately.
[If it's not an ulterior one - she doesn't understand. Why does he care? There's a sense of understanding between the two of them, perhaps, but she never thought that would be enough to motivate him to help her. They're just very independent people as well.
It occurs to her for maybe a second that it's for her own well-being-
And then she dismisses it immediately. That's impossible. Leon is kind, but it's not like they're friends.]
[He... doesn't know. It's that it doesn't feel right to just leave this conversation hanging. It's that she wouldn't leave him hanging when he was struggling either, and that feels odd. It's...that more and more he thinks about how things ended, and the things Stahn has been saying, and he thinks that he shouldn't be living some sort of unnecessary half-life in this place.
None of that is anything he can verbalize, though.
He can't even write that he doesn't know--he has too much pride for that.]
That is none of your concern. I've told you my intentions, and I will stick to them. That is all that you need to know.
[That he doesn't just intend to forget this conversation happened, even if he doesn't know how to fix anything about it, either.]
Lili's left staring at the message for a while, trying to make sense of it. Leon won't forget that Yona is missing, so does that mean that he'll keep it in mind? He won't forget what she's said and for some reason that too manages to make her want to cry. She curls in on herself and even as the tears begin to work into the edges of her vision, she types back:]
Thank you.
[Because what she feels is gratitude - as well as a hint of shame. Even someone like Leon, who has plenty more on his plate than to be thinking about something as silly as how Lili feels, is... trying. Yet even this act of kindness - even though neither of them could openly call it that - is enough to make her feel like she's not completely alone.
Even though a world without Yona is one where Lili is even more lost than she once was.
Another message, a few moments later even as the tears spill over and roll down her cheeks but she has to say it, she has to.]
If you find her please let me know
[Then she bows her head on her knees and tries to reconcile this feeling between losing one of the most important people to her and feeling the reaffirmation of her tie to another.]
[Gratitude is very confusing, and he's not sure how to deal with it, honestly--so he doesn't. It's very Leon, and very impolite, but in the end... it's all he really knows how to do. She thanks him, and he wonders what she's thinking, but he ignores that text in favor of the other.]
I will let you know if I see her.
[That's the only guarantee he can make, and it's the only response he can give as well. He's not much for comfort--and honestly, it's all he can offer in return to her text.
Except even these simple texts are enough for her at this moment. They're not sugarcoated, they're not trying to reassure her that everything will be okay, and they don't tell her to take her mind off something that she will unfortunately be fixating on for some time still.
So she's still crying quietly - but wiping away those tears as best as she can so she can tag him back.]
If there's anything that I can do for you in exchange [since... she also made him feel bad about Stahn, and she is slowly realizing that it was a rather sudden, rude thing to do] let me know.
[He doesn't really understand what she's getting at here. Why would she do anything for him in exchange for something like this? All he's doing is keeping his eyes peeled, and alerting her if he sees Yona. It's hardly even a task.]
I don't need anything in exchange for this. Just see to it that you do not cause problems for other people in your emotional state.
[That's...that's probably the shittiest way to ever say "take care of yourself" ever. This is why Leon doesn't have friends.]
Stop talking like you know anything about me or even care.
[It's not like they're friends.
But there's a lot of things she wants to ask? What would he suggest that she do then? What is expected of her? She doesn't want to sit around and be forced to ruminate on things that she doesn't have answers for.]
[... He...doesn't care, that much is true (right?). And he doesn't really-- no, that's not true, he does know quite a bit about her at this point, and there's no escaping that fact.
Just as she knows a lot about him, too.
It's a little frightening, honestly. It was information that should never have gotten out, but because of those damned mirrors--]
I do know about you, just as you know more than you should about me. Do not pretend otherwise.
What you know from before has nothing to do with the situation as it is now.
{Except.
That's another lie, even if it's one that she's not consciously telling. Of course Yona's disappearance will affect her emotionally, especially when her last memories of home were that she had signed up to die for the other girl. Now it just feels like more failure that she's gone again.
It's not a good feeling. She's not emotionally sound.
Don't be ridiculous. What I know from before has an impact on every situation you are involved in, just as it is the case for me.
[Just as he, too, has every single experience tainted by the fact that he died, that he betrayed Stahn and the others, that he gave his life for Stahn and the others--
So, too, is every one of Lili's experiences affected by the fact that Yona is so important to her that she'd give her life for her.
They both know it, so Leon fails to see any reason to pretend otherwise.]
So what do you propose I do then, if you're in the mood to preach and pretend that you understand me?
[Which is said with a little bit more bite - but the fact that she even cares about Leon's opinion remains. She'd asked him the initial question to figure out what he'd do. How he'd feel.
Turns out that she's the only one actually dealing with it and she isn't sure what her next step should be.]
More of a statement of fact than any sort of judgment that she intends, but following that she does place her CereVice on the table face down before curling in on herself.
In a distant way, she can acknowledge that Leon.... cares, if only a little bit. Cares enough to let her know if he sees Yona, because she's distressed without her. But... she also doesn't think that it's fair to keep bothering him any more than she already has.]
[He knows the end of a conversation when he sees one. Ultimately, in the end, he doesn't think he was able to help her at all--
But maybe that's for the better. Because Leon doesn't know how to help people like Lili, and for all of her talk of staying by his side and making sure he's not alone, maybe now she'll realize she's better off without hanging on to people like him.
Perhaps.
Either way, he'll let the conversation lie, and he won't bother to try to respond.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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There's only one response that he could really get to that:]
Why does it matter to you?
[Because Leon probably didn't even know Yona - not from what Lili could tell from when they last spoke. It's not as though Lili doubts Leon's kindness, but she also doesn't quite understand even still that people will be concerned about the things that she's concerned with.
She's still all too used to doing things alone.]
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A beat.
The text takes a bit to come through.]
It is not as though it is for any ulterior motives, so discard the thought immediately.
[That...that helps a ton, Leon (no it doesn't)]
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Then what is the original motive?
[If it's not an ulterior one - she doesn't understand. Why does he care? There's a sense of understanding between the two of them, perhaps, but she never thought that would be enough to motivate him to help her. They're just very independent people as well.
It occurs to her for maybe a second that it's for her own well-being-
And then she dismisses it immediately. That's impossible. Leon is kind, but it's not like they're friends.]
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None of that is anything he can verbalize, though.
He can't even write that he doesn't know--he has too much pride for that.]
That is none of your concern. I've told you my intentions, and I will stick to them. That is all that you need to know.
[That he doesn't just intend to forget this conversation happened, even if he doesn't know how to fix anything about it, either.]
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Lili's left staring at the message for a while, trying to make sense of it. Leon won't forget that Yona is missing, so does that mean that he'll keep it in mind? He won't forget what she's said and for some reason that too manages to make her want to cry. She curls in on herself and even as the tears begin to work into the edges of her vision, she types back:]
Thank you.
[Because what she feels is gratitude - as well as a hint of shame. Even someone like Leon, who has plenty more on his plate than to be thinking about something as silly as how Lili feels, is... trying. Yet even this act of kindness - even though neither of them could openly call it that - is enough to make her feel like she's not completely alone.
Even though a world without Yona is one where Lili is even more lost than she once was.
Another message, a few moments later even as the tears spill over and roll down her cheeks but she has to say it, she has to.]
If you find her please let me know
[Then she bows her head on her knees and tries to reconcile this feeling between losing one of the most important people to her and feeling the reaffirmation of her tie to another.]
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I will let you know if I see her.
[That's the only guarantee he can make, and it's the only response he can give as well. He's not much for comfort--and honestly, it's all he can offer in return to her text.
Sorry, Lili. He really, really sucks at this.]
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Except even these simple texts are enough for her at this moment. They're not sugarcoated, they're not trying to reassure her that everything will be okay, and they don't tell her to take her mind off something that she will unfortunately be fixating on for some time still.
So she's still crying quietly - but wiping away those tears as best as she can so she can tag him back.]
If there's anything that I can do for you in exchange [since... she also made him feel bad about Stahn, and she is slowly realizing that it was a rather sudden, rude thing to do] let me know.
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I don't need anything in exchange for this. Just see to it that you do not cause problems for other people in your emotional state.
[That's...that's probably the shittiest way to ever say "take care of yourself" ever. This is why Leon doesn't have friends.]
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Because Lili's just going to blink a little bit at that before answering a little defiantly (and untruthfully, just out of her pride this time).]
My emotional state is fine.
[Liar.]
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[That comes back immediately. He knows better, after all. Leon's been there himself, but....
For some reason, it's hard to let this go. And then, a little more slowly but nonetheless following after:]
I do not require you to share your feelings with me, but acknowledge that you are not yourself so as to not put yourself and others to trouble.
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[It's not like they're friends.
But there's a lot of things she wants to ask? What would he suggest that she do then? What is expected of her? She doesn't want to sit around and be forced to ruminate on things that she doesn't have answers for.]
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Just as she knows a lot about him, too.
It's a little frightening, honestly. It was information that should never have gotten out, but because of those damned mirrors--]
I do know about you, just as you know more than you should about me. Do not pretend otherwise.
no subject
{Except.
That's another lie, even if it's one that she's not consciously telling. Of course Yona's disappearance will affect her emotionally, especially when her last memories of home were that she had signed up to die for the other girl. Now it just feels like more failure that she's gone again.
It's not a good feeling. She's not emotionally sound.
But that's too pathetic for her to accept.]
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[Just as he, too, has every single experience tainted by the fact that he died, that he betrayed Stahn and the others, that he gave his life for Stahn and the others--
So, too, is every one of Lili's experiences affected by the fact that Yona is so important to her that she'd give her life for her.
They both know it, so Leon fails to see any reason to pretend otherwise.]
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[Which is said with a little bit more bite - but the fact that she even cares about Leon's opinion remains. She'd asked him the initial question to figure out what he'd do. How he'd feel.
Turns out that she's the only one actually dealing with it and she isn't sure what her next step should be.]
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If he knew what to do, wouldn't he have already told her?]
Don't deny that that is the case.
[That's...all he can really say, there.
Because... he does understand.
Even if he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't understand.]
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When Lili knows in a heartbeat that if it meant knowing that Yona was safe somewhere, she would put herself in danger. Immediately.]
You've already said that.
I just want answers.
[Though the second text only comes after a bit of a pause.]
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He doesn't like it either, but...]
I do not have any answers for you.
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That's fine. You have done enough.
[Which is.
More of a statement of fact than any sort of judgment that she intends, but following that she does place her CereVice on the table face down before curling in on herself.
In a distant way, she can acknowledge that Leon.... cares, if only a little bit. Cares enough to let her know if he sees Yona, because she's distressed without her. But... she also doesn't think that it's fair to keep bothering him any more than she already has.]
no subject
But maybe that's for the better. Because Leon doesn't know how to help people like Lili, and for all of her talk of staying by his side and making sure he's not alone, maybe now she'll realize she's better off without hanging on to people like him.
Perhaps.
Either way, he'll let the conversation lie, and he won't bother to try to respond.]