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[In a food sack obviously. Doesn't everyone?
Leon grimaces when Kashuu leans forward, leaning back in response.]
What are you doing? I carry a pack on long journeys, obviously.
[So while pockets would probably be handy--]
No, you may not deface my uniform.
Leon grimaces when Kashuu leans forward, leaning back in response.]
What are you doing? I carry a pack on long journeys, obviously.
[So while pockets would probably be handy--]
No, you may not deface my uniform.
[It's a Christmas miracle....they're having a proper conversation without Leon being Leon............
But he just nods simply in response to that.]
Early mornings are suitable for me as well. [Leon, too, is one of those 'WHY ARE YOU AWAKE RIGHT NOW' risers, and so this will probably work out just fine.]
I will contact you when a suitable time presents itself.
But he just nods simply in response to that.]
Early mornings are suitable for me as well. [Leon, too, is one of those 'WHY ARE YOU AWAKE RIGHT NOW' risers, and so this will probably work out just fine.]
I will contact you when a suitable time presents itself.
[A PACK. A FOOD SACK. What sort of ye olde fantasy land has Leon come from...]
Come ooon! Do any of your clothes have pockets? They're super handy! Like, I dunno how I got around without 'em before.
[By carrying packs and food sacks honestly... They're so passe.]
Come ooon! Do any of your clothes have pockets? They're super handy! Like, I dunno how I got around without 'em before.
[By carrying packs and food sacks honestly... They're so passe.]
Do you have anything to lose if you don't pin any efforts on it? We can't know if it's possible if we don't try?
[maybe that's the part stahn understands least of all in leon's logic. does he have anything to lose? if in the end, their failure ends in leon not existing anymore, returning to his fate being dead...
then stahn is the only person that will truly hurt for that failing in the end. leon himself has nothing to lose, because his tragic fate had ensured that. and stahn, more than anything aside his already-decided duties, wants to do this. it's one of the few things remaining that he has conviction about.
even if he doesn't have all the answers leon is trying to pull out of him.]
We can figure out the rest as we go. If you can't come back home [which is where stahn wants him to be the most, more than anything.], then maybe somewhere else. Maybe Otome, or Kashuu, or one of our other friends will be able to help.
[he falls quiet for a moment; he knows it's not the most convincing argument, and he's having an incredibly difficult time finding the words to convey just how much it means to him. it's hard though, because stahn is not innately good at finding answers. he's good at pursuing the ones given to him, the ones he's worked with his friends to find.]
I just... I want you to live, Leon. [considering he never wanted leon to die. and every time he thinks about the idea of a fate where these experiences are fleeting and those chances are taken away, it makes stahn's chest feel like it's being crushed by the weight of dycroft itself.
it's selfish and childish; he's practically saying "live for my sake as much as your own," and in some way, stahn knows it. it's why even if leon looks up, he won't be able to make eye contact with stahn. he's trying so hard, he's racking his brain for answers he hasn't yet found.]
I want you to believe in me. [that's the other selfish request. to believe in stahn. to believe in his reasons and his cause, to believe in his conviction and his desire to find this kind of chance for leon. to believe in knowing that even if they end up separated by worlds, it's not leaving one another behind just as it's not leaving their other friends behind when they go their separate ways.]
[maybe that's the part stahn understands least of all in leon's logic. does he have anything to lose? if in the end, their failure ends in leon not existing anymore, returning to his fate being dead...
then stahn is the only person that will truly hurt for that failing in the end. leon himself has nothing to lose, because his tragic fate had ensured that. and stahn, more than anything aside his already-decided duties, wants to do this. it's one of the few things remaining that he has conviction about.
even if he doesn't have all the answers leon is trying to pull out of him.]
We can figure out the rest as we go. If you can't come back home [which is where stahn wants him to be the most, more than anything.], then maybe somewhere else. Maybe Otome, or Kashuu, or one of our other friends will be able to help.
[he falls quiet for a moment; he knows it's not the most convincing argument, and he's having an incredibly difficult time finding the words to convey just how much it means to him. it's hard though, because stahn is not innately good at finding answers. he's good at pursuing the ones given to him, the ones he's worked with his friends to find.]
I just... I want you to live, Leon. [considering he never wanted leon to die. and every time he thinks about the idea of a fate where these experiences are fleeting and those chances are taken away, it makes stahn's chest feel like it's being crushed by the weight of dycroft itself.
it's selfish and childish; he's practically saying "live for my sake as much as your own," and in some way, stahn knows it. it's why even if leon looks up, he won't be able to make eye contact with stahn. he's trying so hard, he's racking his brain for answers he hasn't yet found.]
I want you to believe in me. [that's the other selfish request. to believe in stahn. to believe in his reasons and his cause, to believe in his conviction and his desire to find this kind of chance for leon. to believe in knowing that even if they end up separated by worlds, it's not leaving one another behind just as it's not leaving their other friends behind when they go their separate ways.]
[two early birds of a feather! what a miraculous day, first having a proper conversation and now a weird common ground. honestly, it might be the end of the world...
flynn nods and picks up his ice cream. might as well get this home to his idiot before it starts melting.]
I look forward to it. Thank you for your recommendations with the ice cream, as well.
flynn nods and picks up his ice cream. might as well get this home to his idiot before it starts melting.]
I look forward to it. Thank you for your recommendations with the ice cream, as well.
All right, all right. I'm not going to pry into "Stahn's affairs" or whatever. I've got other things I need to take care of anyway. Mostly involving robots.
[What does he have to lose?
He...could be disappointed.
And that's something that frightens him far more than anything physical ever could. He died already; he knows what awaits him there. He doesn't want to go back to that, admittedly; the longer he's alive, breathing, content, the less he wants to go back to that watery grave under the ocean.
But he's afraid of getting his hopes up and having them dashed. What if he does? What if he does try for this, and fights so hard to have this, and in the end, they...fail? And he has to go back to that--he thinks the disappointment might be too much to bear, though he supposes he wouldn't have to bear it for long.
He'd be dead, after all.
(He can't touch the thought of going back with Otome or Kashuu--there's the chance they wouldn't even want him around, and he can't bring himself to even consider the possibility.
It'd be too good to be true.)]
I...
[He does believe Stahn. He's always believed in Stahn, from the moment Stahn proved how much he cared onward, because he'd really never let Leon down. Leon had let Stahn down in a number of ways, but the reverse had never been true.]
...Don't ask for something so unnecessary. [He already believes in Stahn, so why would Stahn have to ask for it?]
As for the rest, I... [... What is he supposed to do with it?] ...Should you find evidence that such a thing could be possible, then maybe I... [... Maybe he could believe in it.
Maybe he'd try.]
He...could be disappointed.
And that's something that frightens him far more than anything physical ever could. He died already; he knows what awaits him there. He doesn't want to go back to that, admittedly; the longer he's alive, breathing, content, the less he wants to go back to that watery grave under the ocean.
But he's afraid of getting his hopes up and having them dashed. What if he does? What if he does try for this, and fights so hard to have this, and in the end, they...fail? And he has to go back to that--he thinks the disappointment might be too much to bear, though he supposes he wouldn't have to bear it for long.
He'd be dead, after all.
(He can't touch the thought of going back with Otome or Kashuu--there's the chance they wouldn't even want him around, and he can't bring himself to even consider the possibility.
It'd be too good to be true.)]
I...
[He does believe Stahn. He's always believed in Stahn, from the moment Stahn proved how much he cared onward, because he'd really never let Leon down. Leon had let Stahn down in a number of ways, but the reverse had never been true.]
...Don't ask for something so unnecessary. [He already believes in Stahn, so why would Stahn have to ask for it?]
As for the rest, I... [... What is he supposed to do with it?] ...Should you find evidence that such a thing could be possible, then maybe I... [... Maybe he could believe in it.
Maybe he'd try.]
[He'll just nod in response to that, surprisingly calmly and courteously. Maybe proper conversations really can be held with Leon.... maybe.
On rare occasions.
Either way, he's not going to stop Flynn from leaving by any means, because he's still far from social, but at the very least he's not being an asshole right now.
Time to see how sparring goes, honestly.]
On rare occasions.
Either way, he's not going to stop Flynn from leaving by any means, because he's still far from social, but at the very least he's not being an asshole right now.
Time to see how sparring goes, honestly.]
[AS THE SILENCE STRETCHES ON, Kashuu just looks more suspicious...]
...What kinda awkward pause is this, huh? You trying to say you don't own anything with pockets...?
[Or is it something WORSE, like not owning any modern clothing outside of one simple scarf?!]
...What kinda awkward pause is this, huh? You trying to say you don't own anything with pockets...?
[Or is it something WORSE, like not owning any modern clothing outside of one simple scarf?!]
[it's a little hard for stahn to tell what leon means by those words. "don't ask for something so unnecessary."
he isn't sure if he means that his request for leon to live is unnecessary, or if has to do with believing in him. stahn's head is a little jumbled from everything—from what's been plaguing him in the past days and weeks, and what's being said right now.
if he meant the believing part, was it because leon already believed in him? or was it because he thought it was stupid to believe in stahn—stahn had already failed him a couple of times, after all. at least, that's the way stahn views it. his head dips a little as he tries to process that, and it's not until leon continues what he has to say that he realizes what it is leon means.
it... it did mean that leon believed in him right? that the goals he was setting out to achieve, that leon believed in how badly stahn wanted them, and how hard he would work to try and find those answers?]
I'm going to find it. As long as there's a way... I'm going to find it. [though his tone is shaky and teeters a bit just from the emotional nature of the conversation, the conviction in his voice speaks volumes about how much stahn wants this.] But we won't know what we can do if we don't try.
If we don't try at all... I couldn't forgive myself for it. [he's having a hard enough time forgiving the fact that he didn't—that he couldn't do more to prevent leon from dying in the first place.] Besides... we've already done so many things that should be impossible, so... There has to be a way.
[so believe in him wholly, leon. believe in the efforts he'll make, and how hard he'll work at trying to find out whatever he can in order to ensure that when this is over, leon has somehwere to go; that he doesn't have to live this way where every day seems like a struggle because he thinks he has nothing else to live for.
stahn doesn't want any of that for his best friend, so he'll do what it takes to try and change that fate.]
he isn't sure if he means that his request for leon to live is unnecessary, or if has to do with believing in him. stahn's head is a little jumbled from everything—from what's been plaguing him in the past days and weeks, and what's being said right now.
if he meant the believing part, was it because leon already believed in him? or was it because he thought it was stupid to believe in stahn—stahn had already failed him a couple of times, after all. at least, that's the way stahn views it. his head dips a little as he tries to process that, and it's not until leon continues what he has to say that he realizes what it is leon means.
it... it did mean that leon believed in him right? that the goals he was setting out to achieve, that leon believed in how badly stahn wanted them, and how hard he would work to try and find those answers?]
I'm going to find it. As long as there's a way... I'm going to find it. [though his tone is shaky and teeters a bit just from the emotional nature of the conversation, the conviction in his voice speaks volumes about how much stahn wants this.] But we won't know what we can do if we don't try.
If we don't try at all... I couldn't forgive myself for it. [he's having a hard enough time forgiving the fact that he didn't—that he couldn't do more to prevent leon from dying in the first place.] Besides... we've already done so many things that should be impossible, so... There has to be a way.
[so believe in him wholly, leon. believe in the efforts he'll make, and how hard he'll work at trying to find out whatever he can in order to ensure that when this is over, leon has somehwere to go; that he doesn't have to live this way where every day seems like a struggle because he thinks he has nothing else to live for.
stahn doesn't want any of that for his best friend, so he'll do what it takes to try and change that fate.]
[It's hard not to believe in Stahn when he speaks like this. When he speaks with such conviction, such belief and so much determination, it's hard to not believe in him. This is Stahn, after all. This is the person Leon trusts to save the world in his stead.
Shakily, he draws in a breath and lets it out again, and then his shoulders slump a little. It's exhausting to keep fighting it, after all--when this is the sort of thing that maybe...maybe he could let himself believe in.
Maybe he could believe in and hope for this, and it would all be okay.
Wouldn't that be a thought?
So...Leon doesn't deny it. He can't really deny it anymore, not when Stahn's determined. So--]
... As I've said. Should you find evidence that such a thing is possible, then I...will also put my faith in that.
[If Stahn can give him that much...then Leon will put all of his effort into that as well.]
Shakily, he draws in a breath and lets it out again, and then his shoulders slump a little. It's exhausting to keep fighting it, after all--when this is the sort of thing that maybe...maybe he could let himself believe in.
Maybe he could believe in and hope for this, and it would all be okay.
Wouldn't that be a thought?
So...Leon doesn't deny it. He can't really deny it anymore, not when Stahn's determined. So--]
... As I've said. Should you find evidence that such a thing is possible, then I...will also put my faith in that.
[If Stahn can give him that much...then Leon will put all of his effort into that as well.]
[It's probably going to be something weird--but okay, no, it looks to be a seafood restaurant, and while Leon eyes the seafood dishes a little uncertainly when they go in, nonetheless he's not going to stop them from being seated.
Instead he's just going to ponder the menu a little warily.
Hmmm.]
Instead he's just going to ponder the menu a little warily.
Hmmm.]
[He can sense it. He can sense that SOMETHING WORSE lurking...]
—Okay, we need to go shopping together.
[Stahn got the heelys and glow in the dark shirts, Hijikata got clothing that actually has color, and now Leon can join their ranks with actual pockets.]
—Okay, we need to go shopping together.
[Stahn got the heelys and glow in the dark shirts, Hijikata got clothing that actually has color, and now Leon can join their ranks with actual pockets.]
[they are as rare as finding that elusive and most magical of things, the elusive toilet gel.
what a nice chat, though, and with bonus spar to look forward to. stopping on in to buy some ice cream was the right thing to do. with his mood high, flynn decides to take his leave.]
Have a good rest of your day.
[and he's heading off, leaving leon alone with his anti-socialness.]
what a nice chat, though, and with bonus spar to look forward to. stopping on in to buy some ice cream was the right thing to do. with his mood high, flynn decides to take his leave.]
Have a good rest of your day.
[and he's heading off, leaving leon alone with his anti-socialness.]
[somehow, it feels just the slightest bit easier when leon isn't fighting him tooth and nail on this. even if he knows this is probably not the last of it... even if he knows that leon doesn't believe in him enough to have faith in being possible...
it's a little easier to not have to fight about it. it's one less point of real conflict.]
Even if it doesn't seem possible... I won't stop until there's a way. So just... believe in me. [that's all stahn can ask of him right now.
well, aside from:]
Until then... don't treat your life like it's worthless. [well, don't do so afterwards either, but he's so tired of feeling like leon doesn't care about being alive.] It's something precious... life. Your life. Anyone's life.
[he's so sick and tired of loss. he's so tired of the pain that comes with loss. he's so tired of people throwing their lives away so easily and treating it like that should be something easy to do. even if that's the job of a soldier—to be ready to give their life.
something like that should still have weight.
that's why it bothers stahn. that's why even plunging dymlos through the robots was so difficult; they weren't real, but they acted as if they could truly feel, and it physically felt the same as if they'd been real people. he's been evaluating these things a bit in the time he's spent alone.
it's not too much to ask, is it? to ask leon to treat his own life with the same care that he treated the lives of the people he cared about? stahn doesn't think so, but it's difficult for him to tell these days with leon.]
it's a little easier to not have to fight about it. it's one less point of real conflict.]
Even if it doesn't seem possible... I won't stop until there's a way. So just... believe in me. [that's all stahn can ask of him right now.
well, aside from:]
Until then... don't treat your life like it's worthless. [well, don't do so afterwards either, but he's so tired of feeling like leon doesn't care about being alive.] It's something precious... life. Your life. Anyone's life.
[he's so sick and tired of loss. he's so tired of the pain that comes with loss. he's so tired of people throwing their lives away so easily and treating it like that should be something easy to do. even if that's the job of a soldier—to be ready to give their life.
something like that should still have weight.
that's why it bothers stahn. that's why even plunging dymlos through the robots was so difficult; they weren't real, but they acted as if they could truly feel, and it physically felt the same as if they'd been real people. he's been evaluating these things a bit in the time he's spent alone.
it's not too much to ask, is it? to ask leon to treat his own life with the same care that he treated the lives of the people he cared about? stahn doesn't think so, but it's difficult for him to tell these days with leon.]
[It's three days later and Lili is - well, at the very least, she's not damp anymore. She's changed and given the first of haggard apologies to people, but she realizes belatedly she doesn't know if others went through the same thing she did.
(Not quite so specifically, there is only one other people she knows who's drowned and ironically that is not why she's calling Leon.)
She doesn't even know for sure if he noticed her absence for three days - they don't meet up that often but. Often enough that she doesn't feel odd giving him this call as if absolutely nothing is different.]
Good afternoon.
Lunch?
[defeating trauma by literally barreling right through it: Lili An]
(Not quite so specifically, there is only one other people she knows who's drowned and ironically that is not why she's calling Leon.)
She doesn't even know for sure if he noticed her absence for three days - they don't meet up that often but. Often enough that she doesn't feel odd giving him this call as if absolutely nothing is different.]
Good afternoon.
Lunch?
[defeating trauma by literally barreling right through it: Lili An]
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