[She calls him out on it, and he's already mentally not in the best of places; he fumbles for a response, mouth opening, and then he just...slumps, head hanging.
He doesn't know how to answer that.
But he also can't accept that he's still this traumatized by water--he has to be over it by now, doesn't he?]
[ She's not going to make him talk about it. And she doesn't know the full story, only suspects bits and pieces of it, but in a sense... she thinks she can understand, at least a little. ]
I've died before. [ Simple. ] Not here, but in my own world, and even though things happened to reset that, I can still remember it. And certain things can cause me to remember it very vividly.
[ Smoke. Chaotic scenes. Sometimes, just seeing Hiro and remembering that he hadn't been there. ]
For a moment, his thought processes grind to a halt, because the thought that she could've died is enough to make it hard for him to breath, and then, distantly, he hears her say that it was reset, and he remembers. Right. Things changed in her world. In her world, she's still alive.
But...]
You...
[It's scary. It's scary to think about, and for a moment, Leon totally misses the point to say almost desperately--]
Someone like you is not allowed to die.
[It would...make the world a gloomier, darker place.]
[ That's honestly not what she'd expected, that he'd respond that desperately. Hearing about someone's death, or near-death, was never a very pleasant experience (she knows all too well), and she'd known it wouldn't be something Leon would have wanted to hear. But that hadn't been the point, and she clears her throat softly. ]
I'm not entirely sure how possible that is, but as you can see, I'm fine now.
[.... He breathes out shakily, trying to get some of his composure back. It still hurts to think about, and it's still hard to accept that in some universe somewhere... Otome died.
But he can't let it get to him, because she's right. She's fine now, and that wasn't the point at any time regardless.]
I...yes. Of course. [a-ahem.
... Right. Her point.]
I... even so, it is... really troublesome. When things remind you. Isn't it? [It sure is for him.]
It is, yes. [ She gets it, truly. And with that, he's also given her some sort of confirmation that yes, what had happened back there with the water had something to do with his death. ]
But it's also a completely natural reaction. Every single person has a trigger-- with a bad memory, your body tends to remember certain things, and how it felt at the time, and so you'll unfortunately have that same unpleasant reaction if you experience that trigger again.
[... And honestly? He's tired. He's so tired, and it's Otome, and so in the end what escapes him isn't bravado, or fussing, or trying to pretend that he doesn't have these problems.
Instead, he hangs his head, and quietly:]
I...do not want to be affected by this any longer.
You'll want to distance yourself from the source, for starters-- like we did today. If it's not directly interfering with you, it helps. Also pay close attention to your breathing. You're going to want to inhale for a count of three, and release for the same count.
A lot of time, when people have panic attacks, their breathing becomes rapid and shallow, and that makes it difficult to get as much oxygen to the brain, rendering you shaky and lightheaded.
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He doesn't know how to answer that.
But he also can't accept that he's still this traumatized by water--he has to be over it by now, doesn't he?]
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[ She's not going to make him talk about it. And she doesn't know the full story, only suspects bits and pieces of it, but in a sense... she thinks she can understand, at least a little. ]
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[It's not exactly easy for him to focus on much of anything right now, but he tilts his head towards her--he's listening.]
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[ Smoke. Chaotic scenes. Sometimes, just seeing Hiro and remembering that he hadn't been there. ]
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The words almost don't process for a moment.
She...died? She died before? Otome...
For a moment, his thought processes grind to a halt, because the thought that she could've died is enough to make it hard for him to breath, and then, distantly, he hears her say that it was reset, and he remembers. Right. Things changed in her world. In her world, she's still alive.
But...]
You...
[It's scary. It's scary to think about, and for a moment, Leon totally misses the point to say almost desperately--]
Someone like you is not allowed to die.
[It would...make the world a gloomier, darker place.]
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[ That's honestly not what she'd expected, that he'd respond that desperately. Hearing about someone's death, or near-death, was never a very pleasant experience (she knows all too well), and she'd known it wouldn't be something Leon would have wanted to hear. But that hadn't been the point, and she clears her throat softly. ]
I'm not entirely sure how possible that is, but as you can see, I'm fine now.
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But he can't let it get to him, because she's right. She's fine now, and that wasn't the point at any time regardless.]
I...yes. Of course. [a-ahem.
... Right. Her point.]
I... even so, it is... really troublesome. When things remind you. Isn't it? [It sure is for him.]
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But it's also a completely natural reaction. Every single person has a trigger-- with a bad memory, your body tends to remember certain things, and how it felt at the time, and so you'll unfortunately have that same unpleasant reaction if you experience that trigger again.
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Instead, he hangs his head, and quietly:]
I...do not want to be affected by this any longer.
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[ Hesitantly: ] But you'll probably have to talk about it with someone you're comfortable with.
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[But who...? Who could possibly listen to him about this?
Not even Stahn--because Stahn gets far too sad when he speaks about his death, for obvious reasons.]
I would not wish to... inflict this upon anyone.
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[... He wants to be fine, anyway.]
Regardless, I--it will...be fine.
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[ And she'll be worried otherwise. ]
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[Okay, he's intrigued by that--and he'll admit that, somewhat sheepishly.]
I just... it is only the water. But it is so inconvenient...
[That getting water on his face gives him flashbacks and panic attacks.]
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[ Figuring out the exact nature of the trigger comes first. She can offer suggestions after that. ]
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[Since he drowned in the ocean.
But...]
When I am submerged, though...
[He can't really stop it from happening at all.]
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[ That was usually what happened, she thinks. A controlled exposure was one thing, but a sudden thing like that... ]
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[It makes sense to him.]
I am generally fine, and can handle it, but... [Occasionally, it's really bad.]
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[These are things he needs to know.]
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A lot of time, when people have panic attacks, their breathing becomes rapid and shallow, and that makes it difficult to get as much oxygen to the brain, rendering you shaky and lightheaded.
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... I see. In that case... I believe I can try to remember these things. They seem simple enough.
[Maybe it will help him be LESS PATHETIC, to his own mind. He doesn't say that out loud, though.]
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[ A memory that can override your death, though... isn't going to be easy. ]
For now, just focus on that.
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[A beat, and...he shakes his head.]
Even so, I appreciate your advice.
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