[but stahn's not taking it too seriously either—for the first time in a while, he's taking things in just as lighthearted a way as he would have before. it's a little more carefree, though... maybe not perfectly so.
but it's clear right now that stahn is the one offering an olive branch here, trying to bring things at least a little closer to what they were.
he misses it.
he misses it a lot, the way they were as friends before, after all.]
That's right! I don't think that's really ever going to change.
[so he shouldn't be surprised at all. he'll just offer leon a bright grin... because honestly, this is a step in the right direction even if it's over something as minor as this.
but that's why stahn had gone out of his way to get something for leon too. he's trying really hard here to fix things. because the last thing stahn wants is for things to go wrong and they don't even resolve things properly in time.
(he would have too many regrets that way for sure.)]
No... it wouldn't. You aren't the sort of person whose core self would change.
[Which... is a good thing. Stahn will be Stahn will be Stahn, and Leon is glad and grateful--because he depends on Stahn to always be himself, and feels entirely thrown off when he's not.
He hadn't realized for himself just how important that was to him until Stahn had seemed off or not like himself before.]
That would be pretty weird, wouldn't it? I think I'm pretty okay with just being me, this way!
[at least, when things are like this. there's still a lot he hasn't reconciled yet and a whole lot in the way of his emotions and all of the terrible things they've been through, both in cerealia and back home.
but on a day like this, where they're just able to relax a little and there's nothing dangerous or terrible pressing...
Well... it's not like I could be anyone but me, right?
[...right?
stahn knows he can only be himself, and he's pretty sure that won't actually change. cerealia's interference aside, even if he grows a bit, he'll still only be himself.
so it does seem like a kind of silly thing to suggest, probably.]
Stahn may be on to something there--in as much as Leon won't ever really change enough. But even so, he's changed a lot already, and that's frightening too, and so, softly:]
Well... who else could you be? Even if some things change, you're still you Leon. Nobody stays exactly the same forever, but... you can't be anyone but yourself.
[well, leon can be judas, but they don't know that yet, so it's fine.]
Either way, Leon hesitates. He's almost tempted to say that he no longer really knows himself, that he's changed so much now that he's unfamiliar with who he should be--
But he doesn't.]
...Naturally. I cannot be anyone but... Leon Magnus.
[it's not as if stahn can know about that other name. he doesn't know of "emilio," he only knows leon for who he is. sure, he knows it's a name that leon chose.
but isn't that what makes leon... well, leon?]
That's right. Even if a lot has changed.... you'll always be Leon and I'll always be Stahn!
[it's such a simple way of thinking—but that's definitely stahn's way in every regard.]
[it's probably a good thing he doesn't argue it, because it would raise a whole lot of questions that are probably better left unasked for the time being.]
Well... I don't even know if there's any way that could stop being true. But... I promise you Leon—that I won't change and be someone else.
[which is a strange promise to make, but he feels like he needs to. will that help leon somehow? will it somehow assuage some kind of worry that he could change and be some unrecognizable person one day?
stahn isn't sure of that much, but he's pretty sure he'll never be anyone but himself, and that the person he is at his core will never change, so... there's that.]
It's a promise that Leon appreciates, because Stahn is all that's well and good in the world. Stahn is that light spot, the person who needs to be there, who needs to live and live happily for the world to be right.
Everything else... that's all up to fate and chance.
But if Stahn stays the same...then Leon knows that hope isn't lost for the world. And that's enough for him.]
I will hold you to that promise.
[More than anything else...he will. But he does look somewhat relieved, somehow.]
[for a brief moment, he lifts his hand—it's almost instinct from growing up with lilith to seal promises with pinkies.
but he'll drop his hand before he lifts it completely, because that habit is overridden by the fact that he knows leon would scoff and write it off as something childish.
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[But.
Yes.
Yes he'd like that.]
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[he'd go out of his way though anyway, even though he says he won't.]
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[But...it's said more fondly than anything at this point--wry, fond exasperation.
Stahn seems so carefree like this, and...honestly, it's a good thing.]
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[but stahn's not taking it too seriously either—for the first time in a while, he's taking things in just as lighthearted a way as he would have before. it's a little more carefree, though... maybe not perfectly so.
but it's clear right now that stahn is the one offering an olive branch here, trying to bring things at least a little closer to what they were.
he misses it.
he misses it a lot, the way they were as friends before, after all.]
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Quietly, and without fanfare, he nonetheless simply... nods, and glances away. But his tone isn't as acerbic, and simply... Leon being Leon]
I suppose that is what I should expect from you by now regardless. I do not know why I even bother to be surprised.
[But... it's not "all he should expect". It's not derisive, this time.]
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[so he shouldn't be surprised at all. he'll just offer leon a bright grin... because honestly, this is a step in the right direction even if it's over something as minor as this.
but that's why stahn had gone out of his way to get something for leon too. he's trying really hard here to fix things. because the last thing stahn wants is for things to go wrong and they don't even resolve things properly in time.
(he would have too many regrets that way for sure.)]
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[Which... is a good thing. Stahn will be Stahn will be Stahn, and Leon is glad and grateful--because he depends on Stahn to always be himself, and feels entirely thrown off when he's not.
He hadn't realized for himself just how important that was to him until Stahn had seemed off or not like himself before.]
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[at least, when things are like this. there's still a lot he hasn't reconciled yet and a whole lot in the way of his emotions and all of the terrible things they've been through, both in cerealia and back home.
but on a day like this, where they're just able to relax a little and there's nothing dangerous or terrible pressing...
it's fine, right?]
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[Because there's nothing wrong with Stahn being Stahn--and in fact, the world would be a better place if more people were like that.
But for now... Leon just clears his throat and tries to be less embarrassed by his own inner thoughts.]
I see no reason why you should ever attempt to do anything than that. [Just...be you.]
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[...right?
stahn knows he can only be himself, and he's pretty sure that won't actually change. cerealia's interference aside, even if he grows a bit, he'll still only be himself.
so it does seem like a kind of silly thing to suggest, probably.]
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But it's such a giant thing, too. It's not like Leon has never changed--in fact, he feels like he's changing in a constant rate, in a frightening way.
But if Stahn stays the same... it'll probably be okay.]
... Certainly not. That is...naturally so.
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[even if they both have changed a bit. even if things aren't the same, even if they've learned some things and have grown as people...
leon will always be leon in just the same way.]
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He doesn't really think he will.
Stahn may be on to something there--in as much as Leon won't ever really change enough. But even so, he's changed a lot already, and that's frightening too, and so, softly:]
Are you sure of that?
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[well, leon can be judas, but they don't know that yet, so it's fine.]
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Either way, Leon hesitates. He's almost tempted to say that he no longer really knows himself, that he's changed so much now that he's unfamiliar with who he should be--
But he doesn't.]
...Naturally. I cannot be anyone but... Leon Magnus.
[Or Emilio...? Or someone else entirely?
Who even is he anymore?]
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but isn't that what makes leon... well, leon?]
That's right. Even if a lot has changed.... you'll always be Leon and I'll always be Stahn!
[it's such a simple way of thinking—but that's definitely stahn's way in every regard.]
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if Stahn is always Stahn, then he thinks that it might very well be okay anyway.
He shakes his head, but otherwise doesn't argue.]
... See to it that that remains true, then. [That's all he can say in response to that.]
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Well... I don't even know if there's any way that could stop being true. But... I promise you Leon—that I won't change and be someone else.
[which is a strange promise to make, but he feels like he needs to. will that help leon somehow? will it somehow assuage some kind of worry that he could change and be some unrecognizable person one day?
stahn isn't sure of that much, but he's pretty sure he'll never be anyone but himself, and that the person he is at his core will never change, so... there's that.]
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It's a promise that Leon appreciates, because Stahn is all that's well and good in the world. Stahn is that light spot, the person who needs to be there, who needs to live and live happily for the world to be right.
Everything else... that's all up to fate and chance.
But if Stahn stays the same...then Leon knows that hope isn't lost for the world. And that's enough for him.]
I will hold you to that promise.
[More than anything else...he will. But he does look somewhat relieved, somehow.]
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[for a brief moment, he lifts his hand—it's almost instinct from growing up with lilith to seal promises with pinkies.
but he'll drop his hand before he lifts it completely, because that habit is overridden by the fact that he knows leon would scoff and write it off as something childish.
so... just his words, he'll stick with that.]