[in some ways, it's really strange to hear leon offering words of encouragement, because it was something he'd hardly ever heard in the past—not like this, at least. but much like stahn has changed... leon has too, right?
though while many of stahn's changes came as a result of the things that happened in the wake of leon's death, stahn suspects that leon had changed not so much because of his death but... maybe because of their journey together. maybe it's both, and stahn can't question it too deeply, but... this is different. it's different to hear these words coming from leon, and all the while as he's treating stahn so gently while working on his hair.
it's not a bad thing.
isn't this... what he always believed leon was capable of? isn't this why he'd always believed in leon right to the bitter end.]
I know. No matter what happens, I'm not giving up on anything. Getting back home, finishing everything with hugo, settling down and living happily when I can make a family and... ["and find a way for you to be able to live somewhere too" are the words he stops himself from saying; even with stahn's unfiltered nature, he's not ready to say something like that aloud. not when he knows that it'll just raise tensions they're trying to avoid.
so he clamps his mouth shut for a moment before sucking in a deep breath.] I won't lose sight of those things. We're going to figure it all out... I know that.
[he's trying here. he's trying to get out of his own head, and that's why he adds:]
I know my head's not good sometimes either, so... thanks. For reminding me, when that happens... what I can't let myself forget. [his head's not good. sometimes it's just because he's not smart, and because he can't always grasp the complex things, especially when they start getting a little too existential. but other times, his head isn't good just from the loss and the trauma that he's constantly forced to swallow and carry on with.
he wants the normalcy too, of course. he's just having a hard time getting there when the conversations turn this way.]
no subject
though while many of stahn's changes came as a result of the things that happened in the wake of leon's death, stahn suspects that leon had changed not so much because of his death but... maybe because of their journey together. maybe it's both, and stahn can't question it too deeply, but... this is different. it's different to hear these words coming from leon, and all the while as he's treating stahn so gently while working on his hair.
it's not a bad thing.
isn't this... what he always believed leon was capable of? isn't this why he'd always believed in leon right to the bitter end.]
I know. No matter what happens, I'm not giving up on anything. Getting back home, finishing everything with hugo, settling down and living happily when I can make a family and... ["and find a way for you to be able to live somewhere too" are the words he stops himself from saying; even with stahn's unfiltered nature, he's not ready to say something like that aloud. not when he knows that it'll just raise tensions they're trying to avoid.
so he clamps his mouth shut for a moment before sucking in a deep breath.] I won't lose sight of those things. We're going to figure it all out... I know that.
[he's trying here. he's trying to get out of his own head, and that's why he adds:]
I know my head's not good sometimes either, so... thanks. For reminding me, when that happens... what I can't let myself forget. [his head's not good. sometimes it's just because he's not smart, and because he can't always grasp the complex things, especially when they start getting a little too existential. but other times, his head isn't good just from the loss and the trauma that he's constantly forced to swallow and carry on with.
he wants the normalcy too, of course. he's just having a hard time getting there when the conversations turn this way.]