[The moment the words leave his lips, Leon's bracing himself for yet another fight. Exhausted as he is of all of this, he knows Stahn won't accept it. Stahn never does, after all. But even Leon can get tired of fighting and butting heads, especially when Stahn is someone that important to him--no, he won't admit it out loud, but he knows the truth in the privacy of his own mind.
He cares about Stahn, and that's why this is wearing him down. He hates fighting with Stahn, who is the only connection to a world that he's resigned to having forsaken. Stahn, who was so determined to be his friend even now.
Pushing him away feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness, but he can't help it, either. This is where he is now. This is all he can do.
... But instead of yelling and getting upset, Stahn's suddenly closing the gap between them so quickly that Leon doesn't even have the chance to react, and then he's wrapped in a tight hug, Stahn's arms tight around him, and for a moment Leon's breathless, throat tight.
How is it that of all people, every time Leon tries to push Stahn away, he responds by coming even closer? He doesn't understand it at all, but for a moment it's so hard to think of how to respond, or to do anything but listen to Stahn and feel his throat tighten further. It's so hard to swallow like this, and he's tense at the closeness, but he's also...just that little bit relieved.
It's hard not to be relieved that Stahn...will never leave him, no matter what he says or does.
But when Leon finally finds his voice, if somewhat jaggedly, all he can say is:]
Let... let go of me.
[He looks away, hair hiding his face, because he doesn't deserve this, and he's not even sure that it's for the better to have it... but he wants Stahn to not leave him behind anyway.
Not yet.
Not until there's no other choice. When they find a way home...then Stahn will have to leave him behind, but not a moment before then, because even thinking of that time is a pang of loneliness so potent that Leon almost finds it impossible to breathe.
Let go of him, but...don't leave him behind.]
Honestly, you're... being utterly ridiculous. [He can't help how shaky his tone is, because he's at a total, utter loss now.] This is why people like you... this is why I cannot tolerate...
[... He can't even finish that sentence, can he? All he can really do is hang his head in defeat instead, and say, instead, quietly:]
no subject
He cares about Stahn, and that's why this is wearing him down. He hates fighting with Stahn, who is the only connection to a world that he's resigned to having forsaken. Stahn, who was so determined to be his friend even now.
Pushing him away feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness, but he can't help it, either. This is where he is now. This is all he can do.
... But instead of yelling and getting upset, Stahn's suddenly closing the gap between them so quickly that Leon doesn't even have the chance to react, and then he's wrapped in a tight hug, Stahn's arms tight around him, and for a moment Leon's breathless, throat tight.
How is it that of all people, every time Leon tries to push Stahn away, he responds by coming even closer? He doesn't understand it at all, but for a moment it's so hard to think of how to respond, or to do anything but listen to Stahn and feel his throat tighten further. It's so hard to swallow like this, and he's tense at the closeness, but he's also...just that little bit relieved.
It's hard not to be relieved that Stahn...will never leave him, no matter what he says or does.
But when Leon finally finds his voice, if somewhat jaggedly, all he can say is:]
Let... let go of me.
[He looks away, hair hiding his face, because he doesn't deserve this, and he's not even sure that it's for the better to have it... but he wants Stahn to not leave him behind anyway.
Not yet.
Not until there's no other choice. When they find a way home...then Stahn will have to leave him behind, but not a moment before then, because even thinking of that time is a pang of loneliness so potent that Leon almost finds it impossible to breathe.
Let go of him, but...don't leave him behind.]
Honestly, you're... being utterly ridiculous. [He can't help how shaky his tone is, because he's at a total, utter loss now.] This is why people like you... this is why I cannot tolerate...
[... He can't even finish that sentence, can he? All he can really do is hang his head in defeat instead, and say, instead, quietly:]
... Just let me go.