[The words escape him before he can even think of stopping them, frustrated as he is by Stahn's words. He wasn't like this before? Yeah, he wasn't, it's true. Before, he'd had some hope that things would be alright. The last time Stahn had properly talked to him, Leon had believed that he could be more than he was, and he'd been a fool for it.
Everything had gone wrong from there, and the next time they'd spoken, it'd been across blades.
Now? Why should he want to be close to anyone now? He's firmly realized that there's no point to it--he's dead, and he will return to being dead soon enough. This is a temporary arrangement at best, so there's truly no point in expecting anything more from it. And even more than that... it's only caused trouble for everyone. For Marian--knowing him had almost gotten her killed. He'll never forget the sickening drop in his gut when he'd heard that she'd attempted to kill herself. Because of him.
And now? Here's Stahn, smile gone, attempting so hard to stick by him even though he has no reason to, even though it has caused Stahn only trouble, and Leon knows that he would be better off if he just gave up on it. But he doesn't.
Nobody does, and he...feels a little defeated by the thought, anger leaving in one big rush, even as his shoulders slump a little and he looks away.]
Do not...pretend as though you know all of my reasons for what I do and say. Don't act as though I am doing what I do for no reason at all. [That's offensive, really--an affront to him, who always does have reasons, even if they're not always sound ones.] I do not want to deal with this any longer.
[All of this...struggle over emotions and feelings. This difficult business of trying to understand how to interact with people when he doesn't get it at all. He's so tired, and sometimes, that bleeds through despite his best efforts, and it's bleeding through now, tone weary.]
The situation would be simpler if I were left alone.
[He'd be unbearably lonely, but it would still be so much simpler, and so much better for everyone involved; he truly believes that.]
no subject
[The words escape him before he can even think of stopping them, frustrated as he is by Stahn's words. He wasn't like this before? Yeah, he wasn't, it's true. Before, he'd had some hope that things would be alright. The last time Stahn had properly talked to him, Leon had believed that he could be more than he was, and he'd been a fool for it.
Everything had gone wrong from there, and the next time they'd spoken, it'd been across blades.
Now? Why should he want to be close to anyone now? He's firmly realized that there's no point to it--he's dead, and he will return to being dead soon enough. This is a temporary arrangement at best, so there's truly no point in expecting anything more from it. And even more than that... it's only caused trouble for everyone. For Marian--knowing him had almost gotten her killed. He'll never forget the sickening drop in his gut when he'd heard that she'd attempted to kill herself. Because of him.
And now? Here's Stahn, smile gone, attempting so hard to stick by him even though he has no reason to, even though it has caused Stahn only trouble, and Leon knows that he would be better off if he just gave up on it. But he doesn't.
Nobody does, and he...feels a little defeated by the thought, anger leaving in one big rush, even as his shoulders slump a little and he looks away.]
Do not...pretend as though you know all of my reasons for what I do and say. Don't act as though I am doing what I do for no reason at all. [That's offensive, really--an affront to him, who always does have reasons, even if they're not always sound ones.] I do not want to deal with this any longer.
[All of this...struggle over emotions and feelings. This difficult business of trying to understand how to interact with people when he doesn't get it at all. He's so tired, and sometimes, that bleeds through despite his best efforts, and it's bleeding through now, tone weary.]
The situation would be simpler if I were left alone.
[He'd be unbearably lonely, but it would still be so much simpler, and so much better for everyone involved; he truly believes that.]